The Curse of Daniel Silva

My dear parents raised me to be a good girl, one who is responsible and honors commitments.  Those commitments lead me to great joy and satisfaction, but also at times require some pain and anguish in the journey.  It is because of a commitment that I curse Daniel Silva.   My sister-in-law, Tiffany has a hobby:  books.  Not only does she love to read, but she also collects and gets them signed by the author at book signings.  She has much of the family trotting around the country standing in lines with hundreds of pounds of hardback books in tow, while going through the humiliation of feeling like geeky freshman approaching a jock senior asking pathetically, 'Will you sign my yearbook?" I received the call a month in advance, 'Jennifer, if you're not busy...and I'll totally reimburse you, I'll even give you extra for your time...he is one of our favorite authors (with extra emphasis on favorite)...I'm giving them as Christmas presents...Monique (another sister) can't do it when he's in Colorado because she is going camping, etc."   She had me, she had me good.  I was going to be the savior!!  I was given the opportunity to do what no one else could, with the bonus of an added free dinner as the cherry topping.  This was a win/win.  I placed the date on my calendar, told Jason we'd make a date night out of it and filed it away.   We had a planned vacation to spend time with my family in the Midwest where we spent a week and 38 hours of driving.  We arrived home on a Tuesday and I made a note that Friday was the day we would meet Daniel Silva.  I was planning the event in my head for a few days.  It was my first time on assignment, I didn't know what to expect and I didn't want anything to go wrong.  We couldn't be late, we couldn't get stuck in traffic, we needed to find somewhere for the kids to go, we needed to make sure we were going to the right address, had to make sure I had the money payment exact to purchase more books when I got there, etc.  Soon it was Thursday night, and we had nothing to do.  We vegged on the couch that night watching mindless television.  We actually had a conversation of how odd and unusual it was that we had nothing going on during the weeknight.  At 11:30 p.m. we start talking about Friday and the time Jason would need to leave work to get to the book signing on time.  I pull out my phone calendar and staring me in the face is:   THUR. July 19th 6:30 p.m.  Daniel Silva Book Signing Arizona Biltmore My stomach dropped as I read it, re-read it, and triple read it.  To make a long story short, because I had decided we would make it a 'date night' I had Friday on the brain.  What's mind boggling to me is I knew the signing was on the 19th, I had written the date several times that day, and it STILL didn't click in my mind that entire day it was book signing day.  I completely dropped the ball. And then, I got desperate. Who calls the Arizona Biltmore at midnight to stalk and find out any information possible about Daniel Silva?  This girl. I had it all planned out in my mind.  I would make friends with the receptionist.  Start to plead my case.  She would have pity on me and somehow, someway get a message to him.  Or if I got really lucky, she would tell me what time he was leaving in the morning so I could somehow intercept him as he was getting in his car.  Maybe he had an assistant who would meet me in the lobby and gather the books, and run them up to him for a quick sign.  I mean, I didn't need to see him, I have no idea who this guy is, he means nothing to me.  All I care about is his signature.  MAYBE, to save the hassle they could just show me his signature from his tab at the bar or his room service and I could forge it in every book!  Tiff would never know! I nervously pick up the phone and wait for the empathetic, extremely compassionate receptionist to pick up.  Instead, a foreign curt woman answers and says, 'I see nothing on the calendar that he was even here ma'am.'  Wouldn't give me an ounce of sympathy or information no matter how hard I tried.   He was there alright, it was on his website.  Either she was really good, or I underestimated this man.  He was more elusive than I could have planned.  So elusive he wiped his existence from the desert completely. At 12:30 a.m., I begin texting Tiffany.  I was groveling.  I was pleading for compassion...and my life. I FAILED MY COMMITMENT. NO!  I couldn't accept that!  I get back online and in my search find he will be in Los Angeles the following week.  Maybe this could work.  Yes!  I will make it work!  Jason was going to be there for work on those exact dates.  The kids and I could ride along, make it a vacation, free travel, free hotel stay...this could work.  At 1 a.m. I start sending the text, "Hey, no worries, got it covered, I'll catch him in L.A."   I wait, and wait the next day to hear from Tiffany.  Not a word.  I would've been pleased with a 'you're fired from the family' text.  But nothing was almost worse.  It reminded me of when I was in my early years and I made bad choices and had to wait the entire day for my Dad to get home to receive my spanking.   I call my nephew, 'On a scale from one to ten, how mad is your mom?'   "Don't worry, Aunt Jen you're too far away for my mom to do anything to you.  AND, she sent me to a book signing on the wrong day, which consisted of 4 hours worth of driving AND it was for my brother's 16th Birthday AND it was his favorite author."   This information did make me feel a bit better, but still this was reliable Jen we are talking about.  I'm usually so organized and together. And not to mention, this was Daniel Silva, favorite author. Finally, I heard from Tiffany.  Claimed she was in a cooking class all day.   She was kind, understanding, used her example in reference to 'everyone makes mistakes.'   She told me not to go to L.A.  At the end of the conversation, I felt better and other than ruining some Christmas presents felt like things were going to be okay.   Woke up the next morning with a text from Max, my brother in law, that said:  "Hey, there's a book signing tonight, will you go tomorrow?"   I had become the butt, the laughingstock, the joke!!  I was being mocked and harassed and the worst part was, I deserved it!  I knew it was going to become the measurement of future mistakes and embarrassments..."well, at least it wasn't as bad as the Daniel Silva incident."  OR "This is way worse than when you failed in the Daniel Silva book signing." That solidified it.  I was going to L.A.  I was going to find Daniel Silva, have him sign a few dozen books and quiet their mockery with my loyalty and commitment. It was definitely going to be an interesting experience.  I found out Daniel Silva was going to be at a the Sinai Temple, a Jewish temple. I had a talk with the kids about mommy's mistake and how everyone was going to have to pay for it.  I broke it to them that the California trip wasn't going to be all fun and games.  Luckily, they are pretty versatile and were ready for anything.  I didn't quite know what to expect, I knew he was Jewish, so therefore it made sense to find him in a Jewish temple. We have gone to different denominations of religious services and such before, but this was something I've never experienced. I didn't know what was expected of us...was I was supposed to wear something particular, did I need to crochet a little hat for Jason, assure them my boys had been circumcised??   I made sure to call up a Jew to make sure we wouldn't get kicked out and got all the specifics of what to expect. Meanwhile, in L.A. I decide to take the kids that morning somewhere they've never been, other than a Jewish temple.  Hollywood Boulevard.  It wasn't long before it left them with a lasting impression.  We were stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn.  I was approached by a man, obviously drunk and assuredly taking a few other substances, who wanted to introduce himself.  He extended his hand to shake mine.  I hesitated, twice, but had a random thought about kindness and humanity so I finally extended mine.  He never let go and kept trying to pull me aside saying he wanted to talk with me.  I kept declining and he got bolder the more he continued.  I look at my kids, worried about them.  I had already prepared the kids about random people on the streets of L.A. and told them to just pretend everything is status-quo if they ever got approached.  It was the ONE time they actually listened to some instruction I gave them because in that moment of being harassed Nathan is acting as if nothing is happening, almost trying to ignore the whole situation while Brynna is smiling, kind of in a shocked and in an excited 'this is really happening' type of attitude. They were worthless in my defense. I worried about getting too overconfident in defense with this man because he was bigger than me, stronger than me, and when someone's all hyped up on substances, you can't predict how they'll react.  He was becoming more angry and forceful and the worst thing to do was anger him more. So, I knew I had to predict how others would act. With several people around, I began to talk louder and louder.  I caught the attention of two men who pulled him off while he fought against them.  I pulled the kids in and hurriedly crossed the street. As we were on the sidewalk  the only thought that came to my mind was,  "I just got harassed and grabbed by a drunk/drugged out man on behalf on Daniel Silva."   Five minutes later, as we are walking to lunch I felt as if my bracelets on my wrist were caught in my arm hair.  It hurt and I kept trying to shake them down.  Finally, when the pain wouldn't go away, I look down to fix them and sitting snug as a bug is a giant wasp lounging and stinging me on the arm.  I've never been stung.  And my wound kept growing and hurting.  My thought at that moment, "I'm probably allergic, going to go into shock on Hollywood Blvd. with no one to help me or my kids because of Daniel Silva."  Daniel Silva had become a curse and a curse word. This man had become a bad taste in my mouth and I hadn't even met him OR read one of his books. Multiple things on this trip had gone wrong and his name was associated to all of it. I began to recognize that, and then I started to pity him.  He was taking the brunt of all my issues.  I knew I had to clean up my act or who knew how I'd act when I finally met him because at those moments of cursing, I saw myself reaching across the table at the signing and attacking him with his own pen. We got to the temple early in the evening.  For not knowing what to expect, it was quite normal.  There wasn't any weirdness or expectations of us.  People were friendly.  We were definitely the youngest ones there and the only ones with kids.  Most were packing into the front so they could be up close and personal with Daniel during his interview. I'm sure we looked anti-social because we were the only ones in the back until seating filled in.  I had to remain focused on my commitment.   My only goal was the signatures, so I had a talk with security about where the signing would be, the best seats to get to be first in line and know what time to start lining up. 

To my surprise, the interview was intriguing and charming.  So much so, that Nathan was crying and in a bad mood because we were sitting at the very back and he couldn't see.   I started to squirm in my seat when Daniel started speaking about his trip to Phoenix as I felt the eyes of my family burning on me.     The security guy gave me 'the nod' that told me to get up and in line.  We were first out of 400 plus people.  He started graciously signing all 12 books.  He got to the last book and blood drained from my face as he wrote the words:  "Never again."  I wanted to say, do you have any idea what I've been through to get here??  I thought he was ticked about signing all these books and was sending a subliminal message to me to never come back as if he knew the curse he had become in my life and wasn't appreciative of my attitude. Just as I was about to leave with my tail between my legs and a huge chip on my shoulder my wonderful questioner son asked, 'Why did you write that?' He answered, "because this book is about the Holocaust, and nothing like this should ever happen again."   Gee, I might know that if I had actually read the books and cut this guy some slack.  So glad Nathan asked or I would still be anxious, horrified, and cursing every time I heard the name Daniel Silva. The experience was lovely, he was amazing, and everyone had a great time. Here's the proof he signed them...with HIS own signature:

Bonus of the night:  One of the books is the very first edition that was only released in the UK.  It was later released in the US, but with another cover.  It is worth some pretty pennies, and now signed is worth even more.  I never knew books held that much value.  Several people asked about it and I had someone in particular who took an eye to it:  Henry Winkler (the man smelled devine). He didn't talk to me about it, but he did do a double-take.  So, I traded the book for a date.

The curse of Daniel Silva will always bring a smile to my face.  For the stress, the laughs, the memory, but most of all, a reminder of commitments and how important they are in my life.  And even when mistakes are made, sometimes through hard work and determination, they can be rectified.     

My Point of View: Morality and Politics

This post has been on my mind for a quite a long time.  I'm not sure why I haven't written my feelings yet...maybe because they were still building in my mind, but I cannot deny the strong desire to share it now.
I expect those who do not share my views to tear this apart line by line and try to correct my mode of thinking.  I'm basing my opinions and thoughts off my own experiences. This is my way of saying I don't write this just because I want to be heard, I'm bored and have nothing better to do on a Sunday, or say I'm 100 percent right.  I write because these thoughts I have processed for a very long time and want to give my readers another perspective they may not have thought about.
Let me first explain I was never into politics as a kid.  We never talked about it as family, or at least never that I remember.  If the President came on the television or any particular political news, that's when I got up and changed the channel.  The fighting and bickering was repulsive to me and I wanted no part of it.  Needless to say, politics wasn't something that was 'in my blood' just something I grew to appreciate. I have no idea at what point a spark of interest in politics occurred, but I am now fully immersed. I love it and the process of it. I love to hear others' points of view.  I am still repulsed by arguing also in using harsh words and means when people go against anyone who's beliefs are different.  I think different ideas are healthy and beneficial.  Everyone comes from different backgrounds and has had different experiences which have shaped them and their mode of thinking.   Jason once had a professor who wrote on a chalkboard the equation '1+1=3'.  Saying one individual's idea added with another individual's idea creates an entirely new idea.  Basically, when we work together for a good purpose and in unity and consensus, ideas and solutions flow that could have only been made possible by each individual's input.  I have seen this work many times in different avenues, especially marriage.  After 20 some years I finally figured out my mode of thinking wasn't always right. That was a tough, but necessary pill to swallow.
I do not hold some big noteworthy political position, though I do hold a political position.  One thing I have loved most about the position is the exposure to law and gaining a deeper understanding of how that works with moral choices.  I hear often from friends in deciding who to vote for in particular positions are they want to vote for individuals who will make decisions by using strong personal morals.  I agree with this, especially where honesty and integrity are concerned, but there is much more to this that people tend to overlook as did I before my experiences on the board. 
I had an experience a couple years ago where a decision needed to be made regarding something that was against my personal moral beliefs.  I heard from many people and friends before that vote occurred who told me that if I allowed it by voting for it I was not upholding my personal values.  Yet by law, this decision was legal and supported in the laws of Arizona.  By voting against it, I knew we would inevitably be sued and the district would lose, but it would solidify my personal values and appease certain individuals who made their stance very clear on how I should proceed.
I tossed and turned over this.  It consumed my thoughts and I talked to many of my close confidants to get their perspective.  Nothing was making the decision easier.  I finally knelt in prayer and came away with the prompting to get out and read my Oath of Office.  In it says:
"I, Jennifer Tanner, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution and laws of the State of Arizona; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, and defend them against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that I will faithfully and impartially discharge the duties of Governing Board Member according to the best of my abilities, so help me God."
Therein was my answer.  This is the aspect people tend to overlook.  They want their politicians to vote morally, but part of being moral is living and defending the existing laws. Is not an oath to God to support the laws of the land also a moral obligation??  So which moral should I follow?  Personal or position representative? 

I couldn't make this personal, I was not there voting as Jennifer Tanner, mom, wife, sarcastic friend,  church member...I was there voting as Jennifer Tanner, a member of a Governing Board who took an oath to uphold the laws state and federally mandated.  Personally, I can make all the moral choices for myself and my family, but in this role I was elected, I am bound by the laws of the land. Some may say you cannot separate the two, but I'm here to say, it does happen and that is a struggle I deal with and many others deal with as well.  It isn't as cut and dry as some would think.

You could vote for the most righteous people you know, but if they are bound by corrupt laws, you will never be satisfied especially if they are following their morals to be honest and have integrity by upholding an oath to defend those laws while in office.   If people don't like the laws, they need to fight to change the law, not the person upholding it.  We seek for someone who will be an advocate for change that is positive for the betterment of the whole, not an advocate for personal gain.  And in that seek for change, they must do so by proper protocols and practices, not by coming in as a dictator doing things their 'own' way. 

I think at times we are fighting the wrong battle.  Judges and lawyers have more power than politicians, yet go overlooked.  Loopholes and different interpretations which are sought after and found wind up creating more laws and in turn is ensnaring us in what is supposed to be a 'free nation.'  We are putting ourselves into bondage by our own laws. When laws we don't agree with are made, we have a responsibility to advocate for change.  Not just by electing a person and placing it on their shoulders, but by continually aiding them in doing so.  Speaking for myself, if I never hear from my community of concerns or issues that are important to them, I assume all is well.  Just because I'm in office doesn't mean I know every issue that is taking place, a lot of the time I am the last to know.  Taking the time to use your voice to share how you feel is vital to those who can make changes, but just as importantly we must be willing to listen and try to understand  why certain decisions are made.  Remember, our ideas and opinions are not the only ideas and opinions.  In turn, Politicians should do their best to listen to the quiet majority versus the loud minority.

I'm not here to say politicians are awesome because I know there are definite corrupt ones who have personal agendas, but I also know there are politicians who are doing their best to try and hold true to their word, make a difference, and be a force for good because they love their country.

Cut 'em some slack, quit arguing/bashing, get off your keesters and make your own difference by actions not just words.  And for the love of your country...get facts about issues and people (especially judges), vote and continue to be active, and stop suing people!!