I can admit that I've had more people in life who were better friends to me than I was to them. I ask a ton of questions to get to know others, yet I offer very little information about myself (other than superficial things). First, I really don't feel I have much to offer. I enjoy being a jokester and try to cheer others and boost their mood, but after that, feel there really isn't anything special that others can benefit from me. I have some life experiences I'll share, but rarely go to the depths of my soul. Once I feel maybe someone has gotten too close, I push away. I fear they won't like what they see...selfishness, corkiness, and although I may seem tough, can be an emotional and needy creature of which I don't feel comfortable being in such a vulnerable position. Very few have broken this thresh hold. They're still around and I'm left wondering why. I've come to learn there is a distinct difference of friends versus true friends.
Since I'm not the one who feels adequate defining a true friend through personal example, my mind turned to the true friends in my life and the qualities they have that I respect and cherish. As I have thought of these friends who are so dear to me, I've listed what makes them a true friend:
1. Friends will tell you what you want to hear. True friends tell you what you need to hear.
One of my biggest peeves is the 'used car salesman' mentality. If you don't like me, I would respect you much more if you'd be honest and tell me and explain why so I can improve...but to smile and say nice things to my face when secretly or behind my back you loathe me, is to me, one of the most cowardly things a person can do. Go get a job at Larry Miller Dodge. Pitch your crap elsewhere. When someone speaks the truth to me, at first it may not always sit well, but I promise to ponder it, figure where I need to make changes, adjust and try to be better. A true friend challenges me to become better to reach my fullest potential, especially if it means saying hard things.
2. Friends will come to your house for an evening or party. True friends will come early to help you cook and stay late to help you clean.
Sensing and knowing enough about a friend to anticipate their needs is a gift of a true friend. I've had tremendous people go above and beyond the title of friendship...especially knowing I would never ask for help. One of the most heart warming acts of kindness ever bestowed upon me was a family showing up on my doorstep to help me prepare for company knowing my stress and time crunch. That one act made them become family to me. That one act has made me love them forever.
3. Friends can hate it if you call too late. A true friend wonders why it took so long to call.
This isn't so much about a phone call, but more in the fact that a friend should need you no matter the time, but also want you and take every opportunity to show it. I've told my husband that I know he needs me...for celestial glory, for his help meet on earth, but more importantly...I want to be wanted, not just needed. It's quite the opposite for me from the whole Nanny McPhee quote: 'When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I must go.' My truest friends have always made this a package deal. My true friends have always made me feel wanted AND needed.
4. Friends wonder about your history. True friends could blackmail you with it.
This is the highest form of trust, especially with my 35 years of baggage. Enough said.
5. Friends can think a friendship is over when you've had an argument. A true friend calls after you've had a fight.
I admit, I'm high maintenance. Anyone who knows me long enough will eventually end up in an argument with me, because I'm NOT a Larry Miller Dodge employee. I get passionate, but will confess I'm not always right. I've heard that you only fail when you quit. I've had friends quit, therefore, I have had failed friendships. Yet, my strongest friendships have become like my strong marriage because you go through the mud together, eventually get tired of throwing it, rinse off, and become better and grow together because of it while learning valuable lessons along the way. I so greatly appreciate those who haven't thrown in the towel. They are great examples to me of my Savior, who also has never given up on me.
6. Friends expect you to always be there for them. A true friend always expects to be there for you.
It's not about a running tally. It's not about who called who last, who said the nicest thing. Friendship should have an easy flow and not feel forced. I have friends who I haven't spoken to in months, but know I would jump on a plane if they were in need of me...and I know they would do the same for me. We can pick up a phone and speak as if time never passed. Friends like this exist because they are looking for what they can do for you and your welfare, not for what you do for them.
I always have much to improve on, but am thankful for true friends who unexpectedly send a kind note, have me laughing on the phone at 4 in the morning, share my humor and inappropriate pranks, ask advice and give it, love me unconditionally, develop me spiritually, share goals, treat me like family, and make my life full of true joy. I love you my peeps.
