Red Flags

 Some beaches use a uniform flag warning system to advise beachgoers of potential safety risks.  It's extremely important to monitor the flag system.  The red flags indicate a high hazard from surf and/or currents. Dangerous rip currents may exist in the water but provide no visible indication from shore.  If the flags were to go unnoticed or ignored, serious consequences could occur leading to heartache and despair.
Similarly in our daily lives we have red flags appear.  Rather than it being a physical flag we see, it usually comes by a feeling of our inner soul knowing something doesn't feel quite right.  Some may call it paranoia, but we know ourselves and must trust enough to heed the warnings that are given to prepare, teach, and test us. 
Welcome to my private life.  I had an experience with this over the weekend.  I questioned whether I should write about it and asked Jason since he was the one on the losing end this time.  Let me first say, he's extremely embarrassed, but told me to write about our experience because it is an important message.
Saturday night, date night, dinner and a movie.  We were dining at Blu Burger (fantastic) and chit chatting about this and that.  He began to talk about work and finding incentives for employee appreciation day.  He tells me how exciting and cool it would be to bring a place like Massage Envy in for everyone to get a massage and 'not one of those cheesy chair massages' you can get from the Asians in the mall.  Red flag went up.   
Let me say that Jason and I don't do 'me' things very often...in that we don't pay for massages or a day at the salon or pedicures and manicures.  I feel guilty spending money on myself.  I spend on clothes, my hair, lunch with friends, etc., but to pay for something for such a small fraction of time to benefit only myself... that's something we Tanner's don't typically do.  
Lately when Jason and I have been at the mall he'd been eying the Asian chair massage places, so I've encouraged him to spend the money and go a few times because he was sore and it seemed important to him. Therefore he'd take 20 dollars and get a 20-30 minute massage and was appreciative for it.  
After talking in the restaurant, he realized my mood had changed.  He tried asking what was bothering me and I brushed it aside and said, 'nothing', 'everything is fine.' (Sound familiar?) I didn't want to ruin the date by becoming a drama queen. I tried justifying that the comment  was something very simple. Meanwhile it festered.  We went to our movie 'The Adjustment Bureau' (amazing) and sat in quiet before it started.  Finally, I felt I was going to burst because I was so annoyed.  I brought up my concern about him on a 'prideful' path.  He told me I was over-reacting.  I'm sure in his eyes I was.  In my eyes it was about a principle.  It was a red flag and I could not not heed the warning.  After an exchange I leaned to him and asked when I was going to become 'cheesy' to him.  I know what you're thinking:  paranoid.
After the movie, we sat in the car and talked it through.  He told me how he was shocked that I would ever assume that one day he would consider me 'cheesy'.  He went on and on of how that could never happen.  I then explained further that I knew how he felt, but my concern dealt with the principle behind his comment.  I told him that I felt we sacrificed those times at the mall to give him something nice, and for him to turn around and call it 'cheesy' meant he did not appreciate it.  What would be next?  And then when would it be our relationship?   Was I paranoid?  No.  Protective of my relationship and family? Yes.
Ask any couple on their wedding day if they ever imagined they'd be divorced.  Yet, because red flags were ignored or unnoticed they let relationships slowly slip away. I know this was a relatively simple statement made by my husband taken to the very extreme by me.  But the second I heard it, it felt wrong and I am thankful for that feeling. Satan works slowly... leading us by a flaxen cord down a slippery path.  The scenarios that seem unfathomable will become a reality and appear on our doorstep if we don't keep ourselves or others we love aware of red flags.  We would never want our loved ones to walk into an ocean while a red flag was posted.  We would fight to keep them safe from the rip tides that are carefully hidden under the surface that drag us out to sea and leave us drowning.  They regardless, have their freedom of choice whether to listen or ignore the warnings, but we must do all we can to keep ourselves and those we love on protective ground and find peace in knowing we've done all we can in being true to the feelings we've been blessed with.
Red flags have directed much of my life, especially leading me away from certain influences or situations.  I haven't always heeded them, which have left me in deep waters struggling for air, safety and peace.  Those experiences have taught me not to take these warnings lightly and have taught me to be ready at any moment to notice and act upon them.  To me they are one of life's greatest treasures.