I might as well just squat in the middle of the road.
Now, what I didn't post on social media was that urinating was only half of my issue. The other issue was it was the second day of my period. Women, you know what that equates to, right? I was on the verge of needing a blood transfusion. Again, using a glorified tumbleweed wasn't discreet enough for the events that needed to transpire.
Plan C: Use my 4 door car as a shield as I squat between the front and back door. Good call. Unfortunately, I was in the left lane. Cars going west bound still had access to the eye candy and again, I would've left what looked like road kill on the road. Plan C, out.
Plan D: Relying on human kindness. This would consist of me begging someone to use their RV or motor home bathroom. As I looked around at my options, I wasn't too optimistic. Either the RV's were shady and/or their owners appeared to be.
Plan E: My friend offered me some Red Vines for my drive back. I denied her twice, yet she insisted and threw them in a Ziplock bag. That Ziplock was the only thing I could possibly use as a makeshift toilet. Problem, I had a very curious semi truck driver in the right lane next to me that had been endlessly looking in at me and making creepy eye contact. Not gonna happen, buddy.
2 hours in. I don't know anything else in my body exists besides my bladder. 3 cars ahead of me, a man has opened his trunk and is serving hard liquor from the bottle. 4 cars decide to go rogue and attempt to drive off the road in search of the side access road (that thanks to my friends I knew only lead to a dead end reservoir); one of the cars gets stuck in sand. 2 cars behind me a woman is arguing with her husband, kids crying in the backseat. Because of them, I decide to check my rear view mirror more closely. A few hundred yards back, it's as if the heaven's opened: