Windy Days Bringing Change, My Calm Day Will Come

It's the day after Christmas.  Usually at this time I'm already packing away the decor but for some reason this year I'm not ready for it to be over.  I'm not sure why this year seemed different and more sentimental to me.  Whatever activity we were doing I was trying to take it all in and tell myself to remember this moment...moments of happiness, peace, hope, and to know that this life is full of joy. I need to hold on to those feelings because somewhere in the pit of my gut I feel like I'm going to need it because there are changes on the horizon and that feeling is a bit unsettling to me.  Don't get me wrong, change is good, but it's the 'type' of change that makes me nervous.  If it's change due to my decisions, I have a better ability to deal with and adjust to it.  If it's change due to trials, I especially dislike going through it no matter how necessary it might be. The other type of change is knowing change needs to happen but not knowing exactly what change it is.
I've been wrestling with myself over the past year regarding decisions for my life.  I feel as if I am 18, just graduating from high school and someone asking me, 'Well, now what are you going to do with your life?'  And while I explain all these grand ideas of what I could do, inside I haven't got a clue. That terrifies me.  I feel like a plastic bag tossing to and fro in the wind. I'm an extremely focused person.  My husband often describes me as one who has the ability to shut things out if I am focused on a task or path.  That is both a blessing and a curse.  Either way, it is comfortable for me because at least I feel I have a direction in which to go.
Let me explain my predicament.  I mentioned in our Christmas letter I will be starting school.  I posted months ago on deciding what career would best fit me.  I feel good about my decision, but not great.  I feel school is the next step, yet I don't have a desire for it.  My focus works extremely well when I am passionate, so lacking the desire makes me question how focused I'll remain.  I'm coming to a conclusion that in my quest for my future I'm thinking pridefully and humbly at the same time.  First, my pride steps in when I think of having to start over in school.  I went to college 15 years ago, doubting much will transfer.  Starting from ground zero is frustrating not to mention all the experiences I've gained thus far in time should account for something, right?  Not in the corporate world.  They want to see a certificate for me to be considered competent.  I understand you need to gain tools and education relating to the field one chooses to work, but in my opinion common sense, dealing with and reading people, and good judgment play about 85 percent into it and I think that's the edge I have compared to so many who lack those skills.   I am confident enough that I could do about any job and be great at it, except chemistry or calculus related.  Prideful?  Maybe. I've always been able to pick things up quickly and work at one hundred percent effort.  I am confident enough in myself that I can do anything I set my mind to which has also been a struggle since there are so many things I want to do in this life. To think of sticking with just one leaves me a bit disheartened. On the other hand while I have a desire to be the best I also have learned to enjoy myself in the process. I can have fun and be happy anywhere.  I think back at all the jobs I've had and have appreciated each one for things I gained and I've always managed to have a blast doing them.  Was de-tasseling corn glamorous?  Was stocking shelves, serving up ice cream cones, helping to manage a retail store, and scaling teeth fulfilling?  Nope.  Those jobs didn't define me or my happiness, my zest for life did.  I decided a long time ago that no matter what I did-I would do all I could to make it enjoyable for me and others. I can entertain myself quite well. So, the humility side says it wouldn't be beneath me to work fast food if that's where I'm meant to be.
My dilemma now becomes do I just work to work and make it the best?  It would allow less pressure on me and my family.  I would be able to have more flexibility with my schedule, I could try many things, not have school loans, and could continue to spend time volunteering in other capacities.  OR, is there a bigger purpose for me that requires my full efforts in schooling to reach my highest potential?  Is there a career that would help me use my talents for good beyond what I can do now?
I've been teetering between the two for a long time.  I'll feel really good about one and then a couple of days later I feel really good about the opposite.  There are pieces of this puzzle which are missing and I can't find them.  I feel lost and without a purpose. Don't mistake that statement, my family IS my first priority of which will always be my primary purpose.  My statement means at this point in time I have the undeniable feeling there is more for me to accomplish.  I feel it racing in my blood, in my bones and soul. I just wish desperately to have the answer come that will make everything click, feel in sync, and have me working like a machine...doing what it's built for.Each choice has pros and cons.  Each would yield a different style and way of life and I wish to know which one fits me and my family best.  I want God to say, 'do this' and I'll do it.  But he won't and shouldn't.  It's the blessing of having agency even when it doesn't feel like a blessing.  I just hope and pray to be guided to the answer.
I edited a book recently that touched on writing your own personal mission statement.  I've thought about this and can't shake the feeling that it could help me in my decision.   I've decided it will be my next step. As morbid as this sounds, I've often thought of writing my own obituary/eulogy and filling in details of what I want people to remember of my life, but a mission statement sounds less creepy.   If any of you have found yourself or someone you know in this experience, I'd love to get any advice to what helped guide your decision.
In the meantime, I'm just kickin' it getting older by the second.  Going to try to enjoy the ride in the wind until I finally land.