Friday, April 18, 2014

12 Years Old and Dating...

There are several reasons why we have a rule our kids are not allowed to date until they're 16.  One of the reasons is crystal clear above... I'd actually want him to have a chance at marriage some day.  This is what you get when a 12 year old boy is out with a 12 year old girl.  Yes, this is my son out on a "date."
So before you judge and ask why I've lost my standards, first it's not really a date (but it's all in the technical terms), second it was all arranged and chaperoned by his teacher, and third when you hear this story you'll understand why things are not always black and white. 
A few months ago we had the missionaries over and they were discussing the importance of being a light unto the world.  They left us each with a challenge to think of how we could be a light to others and act upon those thoughts.  After they left, we each talked about what we could do individually.  Nathan immediately spoke about a girl in 7th grade at school who is extremely shy.  He said she always sits by herself at lunch and won't talk to anyone.  He said, "I want to be her friend."  So, we discussed things he could do to befriend her without being overbearing.  He started just by waving at her everyday with a smile.  At first, she  ignored him and tried not to look at him.  Soon he started sitting with her at lunch.  She never spoke to him but eventually began to look at him.  If you know Nathan, he hardly shuts up, which works great in this scenario.  He continued to ask questions, and in time she started to respond by shaking her head either 'yes' or 'no.'  Nathan would come home from school and rarely ever talk about it, so we thought things had just remained status quo or that the interchanges had stopped all together, until I received an email from his teacher, here is part of that email:
"Jane (name changed) is classified by speech as a selective mute.  She won't/can't speak to hardly anyone, and that includes some family members. This impairment apparently started at the beginning of 5th grade.  Last year, I was called to come assist a teacher with a student who was in the hallway; crying, shaking and rolled up in a ball...and this is how I met Jane."

Nathan has started talking to her; asking her questions.  Jane won't verbally speak to Nathan, but has started to write her answers on the whiteboard.  This, in itself is big because in most cases Jane shuts down; she will lower her head, won't respond, sometimes trembles, if someone tries to talk to her or make eye contact. 

Nathan told me he wants to be her friend so I wrote her a note that Nathan wanted to be her friend and that Nathan and I wanted all three of us to have lunch together sometime.  I asked her if she would like to do that?  Her response to me was so funny. She wrote down..."yeah, sure... I guess."  "When?!?!?!"  Jane had the biggest smile on her face.  I can't believe that she agreed, it's also her birthday. 

 My dear friend,you, have a son who has a pure and caring heart!  I'm thankful that I get to witness how sweet his spirit is, and he lets his light shine!"
Time has passed. Nathan spends his lunches and recesses with her. His teacher set up another opportunity for the three of them to hang out.  They would go to dinner, watch a movie, and go ding dong ditching to surprise other students for Easter. Nathan has been looking forward to this 'date' for weeks. Even though we've tried to explain to him that this isn't a date, I try to imagine what I want his future dates to be like:  spending quality time together, building relationships, serving others, but most of all- helping a girl feel valued, beautiful, and see her smile. At the age of 12, he's done what I hoped he would do at the age of 16.  Jane still hasn't spoken to Nathan, and we are not expecting she ever will, but her smile and silent giggles is all he needs.  He cares about her so much and I'm grateful he has received a glimpse of  the power a little kindness can be.  I cannot express the amount of love and appreciation I have for this teacher who has gone above and beyond her job description.  This is what being a teacher is all about- making a lasting difference.
This has also been a reaffirmation to me of the importance of my kids being in school.  They do face negative worldly situations, but my kids are finding as they stand strong to what they know and have been taught, they are a light to their fellow students and those students (and even teachers) are drawn to that light.  
May we all let our light shine.  
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4 comments:

Gavin Ely said...

Wow, what an awesome dude... Way to go Nathan!

Talialisa said...

Very cool! So very impressed!

Lori said...

That's awesome! He must have really good parents!

Ammanda said...

Great job, Nathan!

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