If there is anyone you should ever feel sorry for, it's my husband. He has the patience of a saint. He deals with me on a daily basis and while I'm sure plenty of you presume I would be nothing short of a rare diamond gem to be exposed to on a twenty four hour basis, I'm more like a pebble of sand. Yet, this man treats me like the rarest of jewels.
Last year on our anniversary, Jason had to read a sarcastic post from me to express my love for him so I thought this year I owed him a little sweetness and something from the heart (even though my sarcasm is ALL heart.)
Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be married. Never once did I see myself living a single life by choice. I know I shocked many when I married young right when I turned 21, just when some felt their life was beginning. I dated, A LOT so I think the shock came by people trying to imagine me settling down. But marriage was always my number one priority. While growing up, I never really pictured how marriage would be, only how or who my husband would be. I had a specific criteria of who 'he' was and daydreamed about this mystery man.
A list of specifics I remember running through my head were:
*Handsome (of course)
*Muscular
*Famous (but still let me be the shining star)
*Money Maker
*Funny
*Dancer (not a Magic Mike style)
*Serenader
*Spontaneous
*Adventurous
*Likes People
*Helps Others
*Fixes Things
*Loving (but not clingy)
*Courageous
*Spiritual
*Confident
*Intellectual
*Challenge and Tease Me (but still wrap his arms around me and tell me he couldn't imagine life without me)
*My Defender
*My Confidant
*My Truest Friend
When I look back to when we first married, that list wasn't really taken into account and if it was, he wouldn't have fit much of the criteria. Pieces of it were there, but all I knew is how I felt about him when I was with him. I felt taller, happier and with endless potential.
There were times early on in our marriage when this list came back to my mind and I wondered if I had jipped myself because I didn't get everything I had wanted; which confused me because we were happy. I guess I just wondered if I could have been happier. This likely occurred when we weren't having some of our best moments and were learning what marriage was all about.
Today as I look at a typed out list of characteristics, I see all those things in him... just maybe not the way I had always envisioned it. He dances...he's no Fred Astaire, but it's his own unique way and he'll do it because he knows I love it. He serenades me, not like Josh Groban, but I always know when he's in a good mood because he'll randomly sing in a hilarious way a normal conversation to me or the kids. I can't see every cut of muscle on his body, but you should see him move a dresser or piano...impressive.
I've learned now at a ripe old age of 37 that it isn't so much about him fitting the criteria. It's clear now that when I list out all the things I love and appreciate about him... he naturally is the criteria. It's how I choose to look at it. I no longer see him as a defender who fights off random opponents to save my life. I see him as the defender who never allows someone to say a negative thing about me in his presence. I no longer see him adventurous by taking me all over the world exploring random lands, but rather see how our life together thus far has provided so much excitement, new discovery, and adventure for a lifetime. And he may not be famous, but you should see the way our kids look at him.
One thing he knows best about me, is that I rarely live in the present. Always on my mind is the future. I'm always looking ahead to plan and prepare so I can know what steps I need to be taking. When I'm not looking ahead, I'm looking behind. I tend to focus on memories and past experiences which have molded and shaped me and try and use those experiences to learn from and appreciate so I can apply them to my future. But what I never tell him is while looking so often ahead and behind, I'm always looking beside me. Never failing, he is there.
Either picking me up, steadying my hand, or pushing me forward, he is there.
My constant pole.
I'm so grateful my daydream became my reality.
Happy Anniversary to my forever love.
I swear this is my last post about Daniel Silva. Obviously, if you read my prior post, you understand my love/hate relationship with this man. But it seems we may have turned a corner.
It was a normal routine morning when Tiffany called.
"Hello."
"Hey Hon, so hey don't be mad."
"You want me to go to another book signing."
"No, better. I put your link to your recent blog post on Daniel Silva's website."
"Uh, huh..wha??"
"Yeah, and it says they try to respond to everyone."
I really can't recall what the rest of our conversation was about since I frantically pulled up my blog and was trying to read my post at the same time. Anytime I read one of my smirky remarks I cringed inside. 'Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. What have I done?'
I sighed a breath of relief when Tiffany forwarded me a reply email. It was similar to a recorded phone service. It was general and basic: 'Thank you for contacting Daniel Silva, we try to respond to as many as possible. Here are answers to Frequently Asked Questions, etc. etc....'
My response back to Tiffany was:
"AKA, I'm Daniel Silva and I do not have the time nor interest to respond to you."
Two days later I'm in a meeting wherein I keep seeing missed calls from Tiffany. I finally receive a text that says: Call Me NOW.
Figuring it was important enough to pull myself out of the meeting, she told me to check my email:
At first, we thought it was Daniel's assistant who responded but upon further reflection on the name, Jamie Gangel, realized she is none other than the famous NBC Today Show National Correspondent and wife of Daniel Silva.
So either, a.) I will have a protective order against me for threats I made on a very public blog or b.) I will be vacationing with the Silva's in the Hamptons for Christmas, exchanging recipes, be one of the main characters in his next book, and purchasing best friend necklaces. (Fingers crossed).
Honestly, I don't know what was more humiliating, my written words or my picture with the Fonz.
Either way, I'm choosing to look at this experience one way: I had a New York Bestselling Author read my words and that's something I never thought I'd say.
Daniel Silva Forever!
