High Road

high road also high·road (hrd)

n.

1.

a. The easiest or surest path or course: the high road to happiness.

b. The most positive, diplomatic, or ethical course.

  One lesson continually pounded into me is the ability to take the high road.  My husband has pretty much mastered this and continually teaches by counseling with me and teaching by example.  To no one's surprise...I am a bit of a firecracker.  In the past...if I felt someone was wrong or that I was wronged..I had no problem correcting them.  That emerged into I would think (know) they were wrong, but kept quiet and would allow them to learn for themselves.  It about killed me, especially when it dealt with my name in the middle and  people were ill informed, but I withstood and remained quiet as to not rustle more feathers.  Don't get me wrong, I may still bring issues up, but am much more conscience of my sensitivity in how I carry it out.  I still believe if hurt is involved it's important to let others know, for their (hopeful) self-reflection and  to potentially spare others from the same fate.  Nowadays, in some of my dealings I don't even proclaim to be right all the time anymore.....scary.  Lately, I am realizing these 'high road' tactics have taught me patience (huge struggle) and self control.   That same patience and self control gives more power than I ever realized.  
As I have worked so hard at this over the past couple of years, I've realized I have failed many times  practicing it within my own home...the place where it should have started.  I have been much more careful in how I deal with others rather than the dealings I have with my own children.  I've never proclaimed to be mother of the year...only sarcastically.  I am definitely not even mother of the day or hour.  I find myself, it seems, apologizing to my kids more than I like.  I apologize for being too hard on them...being too much of a dictator, being coercive, judgmental...etc.  Basically, I realized I need to stop apologizing and learn to take action and the high road by learning patience and self control for my sake, and more importantly theirs.   I knew if I didn't change...they'd end up like me and we all know how that goes.   I was raised in a very strict home...not that strict is bad, but communication was lacking.  I think many times just saying 'because I said so' is the easier solution than actually carrying out a conversation where others have a voice and can be heard (without yelling).   The high road requires silence at times by biting the tongue, listening instead of lecturing, and faith in knowing that although initially it takes more work at the time, the blessing will be improved relationships in the long run.
After sharing with someone my feelings of the worry of failing as a parent, especially of teenagers, I was referred to the book 'Christlike Parenting' by Dr. Glenn L. Latham.  This book has changed my life in so many areas. It isn't written to one certain sect of Christianity, which I appreciate.  He uses scripture in the New Testament in how Jesus Christ reacted to scenarios and linked it to parenting.  Not only does the book teach, but gives tools on 'how to' apply principles.    I truly did not want to turn this into a book report or a book blog, but I wanted to share a couple thoughts on it.
  One of my struggles I've found is when one of my children isn't obedient in one way or another that I sit and ask myself 'what did I not do right'?  The first thing addressed in the book (which is not by chance) speaks on how we place the actions of our children on our shoulders and many times feel guilt.  One of the most profound things that has helped me was this statement:  "Well-meaning parents who have tried their best should avoid the temptation of using their children's behavior as the measure of their success as parents.  If children's behavior were the sole measure of good parenting, our heavenly Father would not qualify."   Brilliant.
Also the point is made:  "Act the way you want to be and soon you'll be the way you act."  I have become quite the actress lately...and my role must be convincing because I'm starting to believe it myself.  It is true, when I'm conscience of every action and move I make, I am much more careful of the actions I choose.
And another good point for me was ...today is not forever.  If a lesson with the kids doesn't sink in right away, it's ok.  If every conversation doesn't turn in my favor, there's always the next conversation.  I've learned I don't fail because of an unresolved  issue in the time frame I've designated to be successful. If I stay the course doing the 'right' things...an immediate solution isn't necessary.  'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.'  Proverbs 22:6.
 For some, this book probably won't have as big as an impact as it has had on me because I do know many parents who are amazing.  But as I'm working through the book I've seen great change in my thinking, how I parent, how I am as a wife, and how I treat others.  I'm experiencing a weakness becoming a strength....and that power, that self control and patience is placing me on the high road.  It's the high road that keeps me humble and thankfully, the road that fills me with wisdom.I highly recommend it.....