I've had to swallow my pride, put on my big girl pants and take my own advice this last week. I hate when that happens. I had to rely on my 80/20 vision.
I've come up with a theory. Well, I thought I did until I just googled it to make sure. It's called 80/20. I thought I was a genius--come to find out there are other geniuses out there using similar theories, but are gearing it towards business and success and focusing on the "20". My 80/20 is about life and happiness and focusing on the "80".
I love people and relationships. A great passion in my life is getting past superficial conversations and truly getting to know someone. I am amazed at times how asking one or two basic questions will leave me sitting back for half an hour learning about the life experiences of another human being. I've learned so much from each individual and many times use their experiences to better shape mine.
This is a big generalization and realize it isn't the same for each individual in every situation, but in my experience with these hundreds of conversations is the average ratio of satisfaction to dissatisfaction in our lives is 80/20.
Look, nothing and no one is perfect- and that's a good thing. The ones who smile and say everything is perfect are the ones I know aren't being completely honest with themselves. If everything were perfect, we couldn't learn how to appreciate and be grateful. In every aspect of my own life I can apply this and maybe you can too.
Examples:
*I'm generally satisfied with 80% of the way I am, but wish there was about 20% I could change.
(Physically and Emotionally)
* I completely love 80% of my spouse, but there is 20% of him that drives me bonkers.
* I appreciate 80% of my home, but there are about 20% of projects I wish to commence immediately.
* 80% enjoyment of my job, 20 % of the nonsense makes me want to quit.
* 80% absolutely love being a mother, but there are those definite 20% days where I ask, "What have I done, when does the craziness end?"
*Enjoy my pets 80% of the time, the other 20% is made up of shedding, grooming, and finding babysitters for vacations.
*Love living in the desert 80% of the time, 20% is like living in hell.
The list can go on and on, but what it boils down to me is:
*80% of joy and happiness, 20% of fear, pain, and loss.
The difference between individuals who were content and happy in life versus those who were less than satisfied or had made poor decisions rested on the principle of what number they chose to focus on- the 80 or the 20.
Many who were discontent were so focused in on the 20% they felt were lacking that they spent years searching for it, stayed awake at night thinking about it, and slowly blinded themselves from the 80% which was right in front of them until years later they may have found the 20, but in the process, lost the 80.
I've used this with my kids. Brynna recently was talking about the things she was missing out on in life- driving being one of them. I had to turn the focus on all the things she CAN do (80) and not focusing on what she can't (20). It's truly amazing by focusing on the big 8-0, how blessed you suddenly realize you are and almost immediately her mood changed.
So this week my husband was playing old family videos where I saw my kids as babies and toddlers. I walked around the house all depressed and lonely for a couple of days because I've realized how fast time has gone and how independent they are and barely need me---today, I had a voice in my head that said, "Think of the 80."
Within minutes a bounce in my step returned as I became suddenly aware that I've been given an opportunity to raise children- a blessing not given to all, and that I've only just experienced a snippet of their lives, so much more is yet to come.
As I've put this to use in my life, not only does the 20 hold less weight when focused on the 80, but I've also learned to embrace it. We need the opposite to appreciate, rejoice, and come to a knowledge of what good we have to celebrate. We also need the 20 to re-evaluate and make steps towards progression where needed. Again, it's okay to have the 20, but it's not okay to linger with it, go on vacations with it, or move in with it and let it mess with our heads and hearts.
So if you're struggling today, find your 80/20 vision. Let it open your eyes to all that is good in your world, there is so much to be discovered and remembered.
