If You Are Cringing At My Christmas Post, Then I Wrote It For You

You probably saw this floating around Facebook recently and chuckled to yourself as I did because we all know that one person or department store(s) that comes to mind, right??  I think I even 'liked' this picture on several of your pages. We aren't even halfway through October and the aisles are already being set up for Christmas. The mummy's haven't been able to gather dust yet! Therefore, I am writing a post on Christmas, because I decided...I was wrong.  What I learned this week is two negatives DO make a positive.  I was irritated about the Christmas decor and memes coming out so soon, and then I realized yesterday I was also irritated subconsciously that apparently we don't do it enough. Confused yet?  Welcome to my poor husband's life. Read on... Every Monday we do family night where a member of our family prepares a spiritual lesson to share with the rest of the family or we all study a lesson and share what we each got out of it.  Last night, Nathan was in charge and decided to show us a short Christmas video.  Immediately, I was slightly annoyed because I thought he went for the easy out by picking a Christmas video...that he didn't take the time to research something else.    The video was about giving gifts to the Savior, rather than receiving gifts or buying gifts for others.  Immediately after Nathan says, "Okay, Mom, what did you learn from that?" I hesitated for a minute  because I knew he wasn't going to like what I had to say since the video irritated me as I watched it more than it got me into the Christmas spirit.  I was irritated because it was based around Christmas. After understanding the message of it, I questioned why couldn't this have been done around Valentine's Day, a Birthday, or even an Anniversary for that matter.  The same message applies.  Why do we only associate when we should be giving something of ourselves to Jesus Christ only at Christmastime? I saw the stunned and worried look on his face that his fantastic lesson idea may have backfired, so I went on to explain... Christmas is generally a magical time of year and I don't believe it is due to the decor, the holiday sales, Santa Clause or the gifts.  Symbolically, these things can lead our thoughts to why Christmas exists.  Think of how many individuals are singing and listening to Christmas carols during the month of December...they are singing and hearing testimony of Him.  Think of how many are volunteering at shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, or serving their neighbors and friends...they are serving as He would and being His hands to many in need.  Holiday shows and movies typically have messages of hope, love, and charity...messages He taught and continues to teach for our hearts to be touched so we can become better.  Christmastime is magical simply because of the light of Christ that is in the hearts, minds, and eyes of individuals.   People are generally happier, more hopeful, kinder, more giving as well as forgiving during Christmas.  So why should this be only a once a year occurrence?   If you know an individual who is full of joy and happiness and has a light about them, then you know, generally, these are individuals who demonstrate hope, love, kindness, charity, and forgiveness on a regular daily basis-regardless of the date.  Therefore, if you want to be happier and have more joy in your life then put these Christmas practices into action more consistently. The message Nathan shared was perfect, so perfect that I'm saddened so many feel or experience it only once a year.  So to all you early Christmas goers:  If decorating, listening to carols, and watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas can give you reminders of where to find joy and happiness and likewise give you the desire to serve your fellowmen with kindness and charity---then by all means--decorate, sing, and watch because now more than ever, our world needs it.  I applaud you for seeking for it. I am grateful for Nathan and his childlike humbleness to bring a Christmas message at a random time of year and all children for that matter who do such a better job of consistently typifying of Christ than most adults.    

80/20 Vision

I've had to swallow my pride, put on my big girl pants and take my own advice this last week.  I hate when that happens.  I had to rely on my 80/20 vision.
I've come up with a theory.  Well, I thought I did until I just googled it to make sure.  It's called 80/20.  I thought I was a genius--come to find out there are other geniuses out there using similar theories, but are gearing it towards business and success and focusing on the "20".   My 80/20 is about life and happiness and focusing on the "80".
I love people and relationships.  A great passion in my life is getting past superficial conversations and truly getting to know someone.  I am amazed at times how asking one or two basic questions will leave me sitting back for half an hour learning about the life experiences of another human being.  I've learned so much from each individual and many times use their experiences to better shape mine. 
This is a big generalization and realize it isn't the same for each individual in every situation, but in my experience with these hundreds of conversations is the average ratio of satisfaction to dissatisfaction in our lives is 80/20. 

 Look, nothing and no one is perfect- and that's a good thing. The ones who smile and say everything is perfect are the ones I know aren't being completely honest with themselves.  If everything were perfect, we couldn't learn how to appreciate and be grateful. In every aspect of my own life I can apply this and maybe you can too. 

 Examples: *I'm generally satisfied with 80% of the way I am, but wish there was about 20% I could change. (Physically and Emotionally)
* I completely love 80% of my spouse, but there is 20% of him that drives me bonkers.
* I appreciate 80% of my home, but there are about 20% of projects I wish to commence immediately.
* 80%  enjoyment of my job,  20 % of the nonsense makes me want to quit.
* 80% absolutely love being a mother, but there are those definite 20% days where I ask, "What have I done, when does the craziness end?"
*Enjoy my pets 80% of the time, the other 20% is made up of shedding, grooming, and finding babysitters for vacations.
*Love living in the desert 80% of the time, 20% is like living in hell.
The list can go on and on, but what it boils down to me is:
*80% of joy and happiness, 20% of fear, pain, and loss.

The difference between individuals who were content and happy in life versus those who were less than satisfied or had made poor decisions rested on the principle of what number they chose to focus on- the 80 or the 20.
Many who were discontent were so focused in on the 20% they felt were lacking that they spent years searching for it, stayed awake at night thinking about it, and slowly blinded themselves from the 80% which was right in front of them until years later they may have found the 20, but in the process, lost the 80.
I've used this with my kids.  Brynna recently was talking about the things she was missing out on in life- driving being one of them.  I had to turn the focus on all the things she CAN do (80) and not focusing on what she can't (20).  It's truly amazing by focusing on the big 8-0, how blessed you suddenly realize you are and almost immediately her mood changed.
So this week my husband was playing old family videos where I saw my kids as babies and toddlers.  I walked around the house all depressed and lonely for a couple of days because I've realized how fast time has gone and how independent they are and barely need me---today, I had a voice in my head that said, "Think of the 80."    Within minutes a bounce in my step returned as I became suddenly aware that I've been given an opportunity to raise children- a blessing not given to all, and that I've only just experienced a snippet of their lives, so much more is yet to come. As I've put this to use in my life, not only does the 20 hold less weight when focused on the 80, but I've also learned to embrace it.  We need the opposite to appreciate, rejoice, and come to a knowledge of what good we have to celebrate.  We also need the 20 to re-evaluate and make steps towards progression where needed.  Again, it's okay to have the 20, but it's not okay to linger with it, go on vacations with it, or move in with it and let it mess with our heads and hearts.
So if you're struggling today, find your 80/20 vision.  Let it open your eyes to all that is good in your world, there is so much to be discovered and remembered.

Oh, The Weather Inside Is Frightful

Arizona summers, we have a love/hate relationship.  Growing up in the Midwest, I was accustomed to cold and am a disgrace now to my native state.  I love the heat. Typically if it's under 85 degrees I need a long sleeve shirt or I'm uncomfortable.  I love getting into our pool at night and it feeling more like a spa than a tall glass of cold water.  This week, the heat here is really going to hit.  And not that I particularly love the feeling of walking into what feels like a hot oven whenever I'm outside in the daytime- but it's ten times better than pumping gas in the blowing windy subzero temperatures. Am I right??

Beautiful? Dreadful?  Take your pick. But regardless, why am I then dressed like this??

Because my husband likes to save money and likes sticking it to APS.   33 solar panels covering the entire back roof and patio of our house apparently wasn't enough.  So while APS has their off-peak hours (7p.m. to Noon) he has the air conditioning down to 70 degrees.  Not that bad, you say? You're a wimp, Jen?  Coming in from 110 degrees to a 40 degree difference is like living in a meat freezer.  I swear if I look close enough, I can see my own breath.  Ok, not really.   During peak hours (Noon to 7 p.m.) we shut the air conditioning off completely- keep all the blinds shut- lights off- live in dungeon like vampire darkness until slowly throughout the day I begin to thaw until off-peak hours--when I get put back in the freezer.  Sadly, this process works and has saved us a decent amount of money.  It's approximately 3:30 p.m. and the temperature in here is 76 degrees. I can finally move my fingers to type.   So, my fellow Arizonan's- I thought I'd share this tip since it was graciously shared with us. Grab your coat, mittens, and hot chocolate and ride the Arizona summer out in goosebumps.  Stay warm my friends.

Hands Down, This Day Was Crappier than Yours

Chances are, if you know somebody, they at one time dropped their cell phone in the toilet.  If not, then you ARE that somebody.  It happens. Does anyone not take in a device in the bathroom these days?  We've forgotten how to just sit and think on the throne.  And so what if it drops in??  Not only will a cup of rice cure our woes, but the phone got washed in water at the same time.

I'm about to tell you a true story.  This story is tragic, horrific, and filthy.  If I could rate it, it would definitely be mature, R, or possibly worse.  It should come with its own advisory:  You may want to save this story to read late at night when the kids are asleep so you won't have to console their cries.  You don't want to be eating and reading for fear of choking/vomiting or both.  You might want to read in a closet for if the neighbors hear your screams they may call the police. Proceed at your own risk.

As ugly and shocking as this story is above, it would've been heavenly compared to our story, but true to Tanner tales, it couldn't have been a clean toilet, nor a private toilet, or even just one toilet.   We were at Coachella music festival this past weekend where over 200,000 tickets are sold.  If anyone has ever been to music festivals, then this is a familiar sight:

Porta potties.  Imagine all those people sharing all those restrooms and I think you can see where I'm headed. Brynna and I went to the restrooms and I had to wait an unusual lengthy time for her.  She finally walked up to where I was but had this complete distressed look on her face.  I figured it was the 'oh crap, I need a tampon' look.  Unfortunately, my stomach cringed as she told me she lost her phone in the depths of the porta potty.  I half wanted to point and laugh at her hysterically and half wanted to instantly throw my hands around her neck and shake. This is where the story COULD have ended.  We could have let it be a prisoner to plastic potty god, but no, I am too cheap and I will not lose to a toilet.  Even completely damaged, we could still sell her phone for over $200- or pay a smaller than new phone fee for an exchange at Apple.  (No, of course we don't have Apple care.) I told Brynna, "We can't leave, you have to go get it!"  Her look was how I felt as we went back to the restrooms.   As we walked up, a horrible reality presented itself.  Because she had been in so much distress when it happened, Brynna had forgotten which porta potty she had been in.   Remember on the movie Poltergeist when the mom went upstairs to save her children and as she stared down the hallway it got longer and longer and seemed like a mile?  That was how the image was to me.  Truly, it was an endless row like this:

We had it narrowed down to 5. We had to continually keep people from going in and using them; each one gave us the 'better you than me" look.   As I looked down the hole of each one, it was a dark blue abyss with only who knows what crawling around in there...and I was going to have to put my hand in there.  I already hate lakes.  I hate the fact that fish can brush up against me and I can't see them. This was the lake taken to the extreme. Now before any of you say I don't have it in me- there was a time when Brynna had to wear a $250 contact in her eye.  Once we were at a restaurant, she was 6 months old, and it was bothering her, so I took it out and placed it in a cup of water.  I left the restaurant and didn't remember until later that afternoon that I left the cup.  So what did I do?  I crawled in the dumpster in the back of the restaurant and went through bags and bags of trash until I found it, which I did.  Heck, if I could find a clear contact in a dumpster full of trash, an iPhone in tampons, used toilet paper, feces, and urine wasn't going to be more challenging- just way more disgusting.  I found a maintenance worker and asked if they had extra trash can liners.  My critical thinking plan was to put my hand in the bag and use it as a ginormous glove and just blindly feel around until I found it.   Now, I've never wanted to kiss a big black woman before, but as she got on her radio and called for reinforcements and a staff of 5 people to come rummage through people's waste for me- I wanted to kiss her and leave her whatever inheritance I have.     Some went through with the handles of mops- some used the trash liner methods, and by the 5th porta potty, it was found.  Those poor people earned every cent of their minimum wage that weekend on this experience alone.  I feel so sorry for them, yet so grateful at the same time.  They went far beyond the call of duty for something I was willing to do on my own.  Coachella staff rocks. The phone was nasty, I'm not going to lie but I'll spare you the details.  We were all handling the phone like evidence from a crime scene.  Carefully carrying it with our plastic trash can liners over to the sink to give it a thorough rinse, soap and disinfecting job.  Since it had already been sitting in blue sanitation water (among other things) for over 10 minutes- I knew trying to sanitize the heck out of it wasn't going to harm it more than had already been done.  We stored it away and tried not to let it ruin our weekend and let it go to crap. (I have plenty more puns where that came from). We put it in rice when we came home.  We knew chances were slim to none, but were shocked when 2 days later it turned on and was functioning.  Now, mind you, it has a permanent blue background screen from the blue water, but amazingly is working.  Unfortunately, Brynna doesn't want to keep her limited edition Coachella Porta Potty screen saver, so we are ordering a new screen which Jason will replace and this will one day just be a distant, gross, dumpster/porta potty diving memory which I may or may not need therapy for. So next time yours ends up taking a dive in your own urine, take comfort in knowing you can identify who's DNA is on your phone. 

Senior Pictures...Sweet and Sassy

She's a little bit country... and a lot more rock and roll.  More photos to come when the wheat turns white, it was a mud bath out there.  Props to Quinn Kellis for hitting the road at 5:30 a.m. and taking some great photos and outtakes.  

I know, I have to take a double take every time.  She was adjusting her glasses, not flipping you off.