Life and Death
My dad died at the age of 37. It was extremely unexpected. My brother and I were with him at a University of Nebraska football game. Out of nowhere he fell and was never responsive again despite being administered CPR within a couple of minutes. Heart attack or 'natural causes' was deemed the reason for death. The year after I barely recall anything. At times, people will bring up experiences and happenings during those freshman and sophomore years and it's as if my memory has been wiped clean. It's frustrating at times but a blessing in others. I wonder in my case if it's better to remember or to forget. Interesting how our bodies will do what they must to be in survival mode. That's how I would describe that time, I was on autopilot survival day after day.One thing I remember clearly is how everyone would continually say, 'he died so young.' And while I knew my dad wasn't an old man aging in a nursing home, in my 14 year old mind, 37 didn't seem too young. I thought to myself, 'Why does everyone keep saying that? He lived a long life.'
Now, I'm a few months shy of being 37. I have so many dreams and aspirations, so much yet to accomplish. I have such a zest for life, and frankly have a lot of making up to do due to time wasted doing stupid things in the past. I can't imagine being done with this earthy life right now, I am too young. I get it now.
Yesterday, I was shocked upon finding out a classmate of mine died at the age of 37 from 'natural causes' very similar to my dad's situation. Something about the 'natural causes' has left me shaken and has left a dark cloud hanging over me. It's bad enough when tragedy strikes from a car accident, house fire, or from a known medical condition, but there is nothing 'natural' to me about leaving this life at 37 from a failed heart. The ironic thing of this scenario is Mike was one of my friends who was there for me when my dad died. His kind words and compassion aided me in continuing in my survival mode function until my brain and heart were ready to be awakened again. I can't recall anything he specifically said to me, I just remember his kindness, smile, and brutal sarcasm at times. It was a comfort needed to keep my feet moving one foot in front of another and something I'm quite positive I never thanked him for. Now my hope is that someone like him will be there to aid his loved ones at this time as they will likewise be in survival mode for a time.
This circle of life amazes me. Here I am, 36 with a 14 year old daughter. My hopes and dreams for her are probably very similar to what my dad had for me. I see myself as part of those dreams as I instruct her how to drive, teach her how to maintain her first home, help her plan her wedding, hold her newborn babies, and go on family vacations together. Yet, these experiences of death teach me I'm not in control nor will ever be in control. I can only focus on the control I have with each breath I take and the actions I choose to make with each moment of life I've been given. Why do we waste so many moments?
I'm grateful for Easter, especially during this particular time. I'm grateful to be reminded that while sadness befalls us, it is just for a short while in the grand scheme of things. We can and will be reunited with our loved ones all because one remarkable and perfect man died to make it possible. I am thankful for Jesus Christ and his death but more importantly for His life. And while death is filled with sorrow, the legacy and example of an individual life can help fill the void of emptiness. Remembering what our loved ones did with their lives is a blessing to remind us what to do with ours. I'm thankful to all my wonderful examples who teach me about life each and everyday and knowing in my future day of death, I will again be surrounded by amazing individuals.
Happy Easter.
8 comments:
Jen, I could read this 100 times and find something beautiful in it each time. I remember when your dad passed and my young mind not being able to understand it. You seemed so brave and strong to me then. Thank you for sharing these words this morning. What a perfect thing to read as I get ready to go with my family to church. I will sit next to my mom and be reminded of te promise of our reunion. he is risen!
Liz. Seitz
Love you, friend.
Well said. I'm not sure how you wrap your mind around death at 14. How life gives us perspective as we go on. Just seems surreal for someone we spent almost everyday with growing up to be gone, he was a good person.
Bart
I cried reading this. I'm emotional today I guess. My mom's best friend's son died last night. We grew up with this family and think of them as Aunt, Uncle & cousins. He wasn't much older than your friend. Very sad times. I couldn't imagine passing anytime soon and not being able to raise my sweet little family. Lots of prayers going out today. I'm sorry for your loss too.
Thanks for posting this! It was very touching and inspiring to make our "moments" count.
Just as the Savior gives us hope for the future...to see our loved ones again and to break the bands of death, he also gives us hope for the present. You have every reason to believe that you will indeed see your children raise their families in righteousness. Your faith is strong and you have a great work yet to do.
I'll remind you about this in 30 years!
p.s. God bless the Tanners for your love and support.
Beautifully said. What a loving Father in Heaven we have.
Jen, you did this in such a beautiful way. Today was a difficult day in dealing with the loss of a friend who had been in our lives for some many years and then just gone like that! I thank you for sharing your wisdom with us and comforting others like me at times like this. It was hard to explain to our 4 year old daughter today why our friend has already gone to heaven. God Bless you! Hugs, Ila Jean :)
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