To: Myself From: Myself

I watched a video not long ago where mothers were asked what advice they would give themselves before they had their first child.  Now that my kids are getting older, I related more than I hoped.  I thought of what I would tell the 21 year old Jen.  I would plead with her to enjoy every moment with them and know that everything else can wait.  When the kids were little...I enjoyed my moments, but always looked ahead to the next thing.  I would catch myself thinking...'I can't wait until she/he will sleep through the night.'  'I can't wait until I no longer carry a diaper bag.'  'I can't wait until she/he will go to nursery.'   'I can't wait until she/he can walk so she/he can come to me.'  'I can't wait until fingerprints aren't everywhere.'  'I can't wait until she/he is in school.'  I realized everything I wished for was in some way to benefit me.  Now, it's those listed things that I miss terribly and they happened in a blink of an eye.  Now, instead of thinking ahead, I find myself looking back and longing to carry a diaper bag and an infant to console in the middle of the night.  To be honest, at times it leaves me tearful.  Yet, I know my children are not mine.  They were sent to me to prepare them to be who they were meant to be in this world.  I just simply wasn't prepared for all the joy and pain I would feel to see them progress and grow up.  
About a week ago I had a dream.  I was visiting my Mom and Step-Dad in my old home in Nebraska.  Brynna was a 4 year old in pig tails and we traveled back together like we always used to.  I spent a week there and knew I had stepped back in time because I still had all the knowledge I have now.  I knew Brynna is 14, that Johnny had died of cancer, and my mom sold the only home I'd ever known to move closer to me.    In the dream I wasn't permitted to share any information of the future.  Therefore, I made wise use of my time and ensured nothing but my family mattered.  I could've cared less about how spotless the home was or any television show that was airing, or getting on the computer to check emails.  I watched my daughter run and play out in the green grass, gave her endless hugs, spent time laughing with Johnny and my mom, and took in every scent...look...and feeling of my home.  When I  woke up I felt I had received a tremendous gift:  I was able to re-live one week of my life. And oh, how differently I lived it. 
Fast forward to today.  I chaperoned a field trip for Nathan's class to the zoo.  I'll be honest, I was dreading it. I knew it would be exhausting, hot, and extremely loud. I didn't have a private thought to myself for four hours.   After wishing for about 5 aspirin and a week in the Bahamas, I was sitting next to Nathan on the bus going home.  He laid his head on my shoulder, grabbed my hand, and told me how much he loved having me there.   I smiled to myself and thought...this is it.  That brief moment made the four hours worth every second.  There's nowhere else I would've rather been and silently thanked myself for sacrificing 'my' time to make it 'our' time.  
Time is either our friend or our enemy.  We have no control over it...only what we do with it.  From a woman who's soon reaching a mid-life crisis, I offer my plea....let go of that which holds no worth.  Nothing is more important than our relationships.  There will be plenty of nights of uninterrupted sleep, diaper bags will get replaced with heavier baggage, being in the hallway at church isn't so bad, carrying kiddos provides great exercise,  homes will always get dirty again, and once in school you are no longer their universe...you are replaced with their teacher...who becomes way cooler and smarter than you.  Hold your little ones, hold those memories close to your heart, and learn to treasure 'our' time more than 'my' time.Know you are blessed to be a mother.  Learn to use time wisely and make it your friend.It's always ticking....