I'm in awe of the things that are around us that we fail to notice or focus on until it becomes pertinent to something we’re searching for. I had to prepare a talk to give at our Annual Stake Relief Society meeting. I was passionate about my topic, but am very much a visual person and use what I see to transform ideas into what I write or say. Thankfully my dream I shared from my last post and the symbolism at my back door (I’ll explain later) gave me a deeper resolve of what I needed to prepare. I only had about 20 min. to speak so I didn’t include all my thoughts from my notes and don’t remember exactly what I did say due to nerves. But I thought I’d take the opportunity to write it out to reference and refer to on my days I struggle. (If you were at the meeting you can forgo this read, some have asked that I write it down, for first timers: listen up).
Our theme was “Women Who Know.” It is taken from the account of the 2,000 Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon who decided to take up arms to defend their families. They protected their fathers who had covenanted with God to bury their weapons of war due to the loss of life from their acts of violence and ignorance. These boys were very young. They courageously walked into war fighting alongside their once enemy to defend their homes, liberty, and families. They spoke of not having fear because of the faith of their mothers to which they said ‘our mothers knew it.’ Because of that faith, not one of those young men perished. To go along with our theme, Suzanne Kellis spoke of “Women Who Know…Know Who They Are”, Nickie Rolfe spoke of “Women Who Know…Have Hope.” And I spoke on “Women Who Know…Do Less.” I know what you’re thinking…Jen’s busy, likes to stay busy, and is probably the last person who should speak on this topic. BUT, though I am busy, it was more of a talk on priorities and instructed that when they are in order we will do less because we make time for that which is most important.
I used two main sources for my talk. One was a October General Conference talk by President Uchtdorf called, ‘Of Things That Matter Most.’ The other was a Training Meeting and BYU address given by General Relief Society President Julie B. Beck.
Pres Uchtdorf spoke in his talk of life and rushed pace and stress. When I think of that I think of women. I think of the demands on our time through being wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends, employees, homemakers, our callings, and the expectations we set for ourselves. We have many who depend on us and we add upon that with the even heavier demands we place on ourselves. President Uchtdorf says, “When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia-even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.’ Do you ever feel that way?
It’s easy to be busy. We can ALWAYS find things to fill up our time. For some, their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. “It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Over-scheduling our days would certainly qualify for this.” I know that I’ve definitely fallen into this category. I remember when the kids were small. I remember my schedule well because it was the same thing EVERY day. Change diapers, give baths, make meals, vacuum, laundry, pick up toys, wipe up drool, etc. etc. Jason would come home from work and talk about his day. I remember being so jealous. He was being challenged and was having new experiences every day. Here I was a college graduate and the only challenge I had was going to the bathroom by myself and keeping my sanity. So, I decided to fill up my days with ‘things’ just so I felt I had something different to contribute. Those things held no worth. You know how I know they were of no worth? Because I don’t even recall what they were. Yet, it’s the books I read to the kids, the small cuddle moments that I remember and miss greatly.
When I think of things that hold no worth, I’m not thinking of breaking commandments and doing ‘bad’ things. I think Satan is wise to know of the strength of women we have amongst us today. He will not tempt us to do things which we would easily say ‘no’ to. His cunning ways will make what we do with our time be the temptation for us.
In a training meeting from Julie Beck, she helped Relief Society Presidencies globally to know better how to plan meetings to make wise use of the sisters’ time to benefit their lives most. Our leaders wanted to ensure that Relief Society wasn’t being used as a ‘social club’, but as a place to increase personal faith and righteousness, strengthen home and family, and serving the Lord and His children. When we go to our meetings, we need to feel more uplifted leaving the building than when we entered. This has inspired me greatly in my calling, but I also know this isn’t just meant for our Relief Society program as a whole. The goal is to make it into every one of our individual homes. We have been asked to make our homes like our LDS temples. I don’t believe this just means cleanliness and not just what we let enter the doors of our homes, but what we DO in them as well. In thinking of what kind of work occurs in the temple, it is of most essential and necessary things.
So, in planning our days, Julie Beck says there are three categories that will guide us into prioritizing and I might add, do less.
The first and most important is the Essential category. These are things that pertain to our salvation. These include:
Scripture Study (We need to be guided and led by a detailed map that helps us know God, His Son, Their plan, who WE are, and how we fit in that plan.)
Prayer (Through our humbleness and seeking revelation, we can be guided in our lives.)
Making and Keeping Covenants (By making promises with the Lord through Sacrament Meeting attendance and Temple Attendance we will have an added increase of the spirit in our lives and will be blessed in ways only God can do.)
Service (Whether big or the smallest of efforts, by serving others we come to learn more of who our Savior is).
The next category is the Necessary category. These are things that are needed to help us live our lives. There are too many to list but a few include:
Cooking
Budgeting
Work (for some)
Keeping up on household duties
Exercise
Finally, is the ‘Nice To-Do’ category. These are things or hobbies we enjoy doing usually for our personal benefit and can include:
Reading
Scrapbooking
Computer Time (Facebook/Gaming/etc)
Girls Night Out
You get the idea. First, let me make myself clear, don’t think of these things as bad things, they are nice to do’s. They can bring enjoyment to our lives….but how much of our time is spent in the ‘nice to-do’ category? If we spend a lot or most of our time here, then who is taking care of the things in the essential or necessary category??
You’ll be amazed if you take care of the essentials and necessaries first, how much time you’ll have to spend in the nice to-do’s. OR, you may even decide that priorities have shifted and you will do less to make time for the essentials ( which require a very small amount of our time). We all understand the fundamentals it’s just that we sometimes get so distracted by things that seem so much more enticing. I do know that if our focus is not in the essentials, that they will be forgotten because we’ve proven that they are not our first priority and will become an afterthought. The adversary would have you focus all your time in the nice to do’s-- not even the bad to dos, because all he needs to do is keep your focus away from the essentials and from reaching your highest potential and he’s done his job. I can guarantee the adversary will never tempt you to do the essentials.
It is important to remember that women are a strong influence and driving force in the home.
Julie B. Beck points out this clearly in her quote:
‘I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. For example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. If that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. If that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with God, she will be in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. They will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. It isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. The lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. She encourages that participation. She cares about seeking after her ancestors. If the lioness at the gate knows about and understands missions, missionaries, and the mission of the house of Israel, she will prepare future missionaries to go out from that home. It is very difficult to get a lion cub away from a lioness who doesn’t believe in missions, but if the lioness believes in a mission, she will devote her life to preparing the cub to go out and serve the Lord. That’s how important she is.’ That’s how important YOU are. No wonder Satan targets women…he knows if he can lead a woman away, he can possibly lead an entire family away and generations of posterity to come.
I believe the mothers of the 2000 Stripling Warriors knew who they were, knew their potential , and knew they MUST faithfully be doing the essentials. These women knew it, because they lived it. I believe those boys not only saw it with their own mothers, but with other women they associated with. I believe there was a loving sisterhood, like the sisterhood we have today, to lean on and learn from one another for strength and encouragement.
A few weeks ago I was out back on my porch and I heard buzzing above my head. Thinking it was the usual jumbo black bee I winced, but as I looked up, realized it was a hummingbird gently hovering over its nest being built on our porch garden lights. I’ve spent many days watching it carefully coming and going, gathering material to make it just right. Upon completion, it sits there every day for hours, only leaving for a couple minutes at a time. Jason reached up with the camera while it was gone and found that it’s been sitting on 2 eggs. Can I say that I am amazed at the unselfishness of this bird? I know that it is being obedient to instinct, but we have parental instincts too that we choose to disobey continually. I look at the hummingbird in the heat of day sitting and waiting, probably wishing it was out doing other things. But if she leaves, she leaves her soon to be babies in danger. She knows the necessary and essential things that must be done to do ensure that safety. I can’t help but think that to her, the days seem long and tiresome. It will become even worse while trying to feed them, but she does these things because they are essential and somehow, she knows it. She is one of the smallest of God’s creation and she gets it. How I long to be more like her.
I’m far from where I need to be, but testify through putting this process of categorizing to the test, that it will indeed give us an increased power because it leads us to be better prepared, leads us to have less frustration, leads us to build stronger relationships, leads us to have increased joy even when trials are present, and leads us to draw nearer to the Savior Jesus Christ. In prioritizing and making essentials first, we will not fail. We will have children look to us and say, ‘they do not doubt, these women know it.’ Our faith to do what’s right will give them courage to have faith and be victorious in their trials, safe from their adversities, and heroes to the world and their posterity.
