I've had several things on my mind for awhile that I've been anxious to get off my chest. On most things I am fairly diplomatic, on others, I'm very opinionated. Usually when I get opinionated I stir controversy and usually end up with less fans...but hey, it's my blog and I can write what I want to.
One of my big frustrations of today is the sense of entitlement people feel. Just because one person has something...another feels they must have it too. Self reliance and independence is becoming something of the past. Today, the mentality is things are to be expected rather than worked for. We are each the masters of our own destiny. We are responsible for our success or our failure. Why are we becoming such a culture of laziness? I am greatly concerned for the upcoming rising generation.
I know I'm plenty guilty of giving my kids too much without requiring as much in return. It's some false idea that 'giving' to them shows my love. I'm too easily moved to give now rather than giving them an investment of lessons that will last a lifetime. I'm working on it.
A huge area I see of concern is the lack many parents have of letting their children accept responsibility and consequences to their actions. They feel by stepping in they will 'save' them. I know they do this because they love them and no one likes to see their children hurt...but truly, these parents will inflict more hurt than the actual consequence in the long run. Many only see their children as victims that couldn't possibly make mistakes, or teach them not to be caught, or once caught, how to 'get out of it', or worse case scenario take the matters on solely themselves and shield their children from any type of problem solving. Some feel that their child should receive the same exact reward as everyone else...yet that child hasn't taken responsibility to earn the reward. Some kids don't even play tag anymore because of the devastation of being 'it'. How does this happen? Slowly, one experience at a time. There are too many examples to delve into.
I have two complaints that have been wearing on me that I don't feel are helping our kids...which is where the offending comes in.
1. Everybody wins.
One day I ran a 5k race with Nathan. We were doing great and were about half a mile to the finish line and he says..."Mom, I think we are going to win." A teacher, who we had passed had heard his comment and said in a matter of fact way, "Everybody is a winner, Nathan...it's about having fun." As we pushed further up and were out of earshot...I told Nathan, "Son, that is the biggest lie you'll ever hear. There will always be winners and losers, but it's about your attitude of how you react when you win or lose." I am so frustrated with the mentality that everybody wins. When I play a game, I'm not playing only for fun, I play to win. Sometimes I do, sometimes not but I still manage to have fun regardless. I just feel there are bigger lessons here at play. I'm all about having fun, but do you think when I walk into a job interview and am in competition that I don't care which person gets the job...as long as I had fun? Heck no. I want it. If I don't get it...I need to know how to deal with that loss. How humiliating to sit there and whine and ask.."But why?? Aren't I a winner too?" A big frustration to me where sports are concerned is when every kid gets a trophy at competitions. You know what I got when I lost a competition? A ribbon. The winner got the trophy. It made me work harder and push myself because I wanted that plastic ugly trophy. I want my kids to learn that if they have a desire to be their best and be the best, they have to work hard and not to expect the same reward for doing less work than someone else. I know, you're asking....if they are doing their best shouldn't they be rewarded? Yes. Children should be acknowledged for doing their best but not to the same degree that the winner received. It is a shame to the winner and to those who lost to receive equal recognition or reward. Rewards can be given in so many ways...even compliments, which by the way last longer than any trophy. I still remember words of encouragement given to me on the track that still are embedded in my memory today as opposed to the medals that are in a box in the attic. Looking back, losing at times was the best reward I could've received. Parents, it's OK for kids to lose, it's also OK for them to win. Expectations and attitudes should be the focus.
2. Here we go....birthday treat bags.
Next time you have a birthday party, invite me. I am coming to your house and I want you to supply me with a gift. Who came up with this one? I'm determined it was a kid who had no friends and the parents had to bribe kids to come to the party....so now here we are and feel we have to give treat bags for ANY kind of party or occasion. I never liked the idea, but felt like I had to because everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to be the 'uncool' mom. That lasted one year. I could've done more for the actual event if I wouldn't have put so much time and effort in the treat bag. Where it really hit was when one of my kids had a party where I didn't supply gifts for the guests. One child asked...'so where's my gift?' Meaning the treat bag. I told him I don't do that and I got the 'uncool' look. Shouldn't kids just be excited to be invited to a party? Why must I have to buy everyone a gift to come to my own kid's party? Isn't the cake, activities, and hanging out with their friends enough? It should be. Again, to me it says...'what do I get out of going?' And believe me...they are becoming to expect it. How about we teach that we go to support and befriend someone, because we are celebrating their happiness? Parents....don't feel pressured to provide for everyone else other than the person to be celebrated. It is their day....they should feel special. I know, again it can be viewed as a 'thanks for coming'...which is a nice gesture for guests, but again it begins to balloon into something more and eventually we put more pressure on ourselves to be better and more spectacular the next year exhausting more and more funds to do so. I know of someone who is financially strapped who has no parties for their children because they feel the pressure of being compared to other's parties that her children have been to. Because they cannot do more than a cake and presents for their own kids, they choose not to do a party at all. That is a sad story, because nothing more should be required. It's about celebrating together to honor someone... not to reward others for gracing you with their presence. Hear my plea: ban the bags!
My goal is to send my children in the world as prepared as ever and ready for anything. That is my duty as their mother. These two things will probably seem very minor to most, but to me, they are important as I try to look for life lessons in everything to relate as teaching moments. It's about teaching responsibility for working hard for themselves and the responsibility they have to support others without expecting in return.
Ok, I'm done, rant over.
Let me have it.
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