Refiner's Fire

One talk I've always loved was Dallin H. Oaks, 'Good Better Best.' http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=12d72bce258f5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

This taught of learning to forgo good things to take part of better or best things and how that will strengthen our families. I have learned recently that not only is it just 'things' of materialism, but that we ourselves must go from good to becoming better until we get to our best. This process can be painful. Anything that changes us will leaves it's mark...good or bad. Seeing the scars, remembering the pain gives us experiences to learn and grow from.

A few weeks ago, I was given a task. One that seemed daunting, exciting, impossible, refreshing. I asked Jason for a blessing so I could focus my thoughts and emotions. Instead of a comfort I received what felt like a 'hold on and brace yourself.' I was told I was going to go through a refiner's fire. Nothing could've been more true.

I've had hard times in the past. Times where I knew I was being tested. This time was different. It was days upon days filled with turmoil, continual emotional pounding, and thoughts bad enough they could tear down buildings.

I felt I had been dragged back into a dark alley for a fight. At first, it was easy to hold my ground. But after receiving kick after kick my strength wasn't sufficient. And even though I was down, the kicks continued followed by words of 'stay down', 'you can't win', and the worst one to me: 'give up.' I looked around for anyone to tell me otherwise, but my support were in their own separate alley's tackling their own fight. I wrestled with it for days. If I was doing what I was supposed to do, why was it causing so much unhappiness? Why was it consuming every aspect of my life? Why did I feel so alone and deserted? Surely, I must be doing something wrong and I wasn't the right person for the task. With each of these questions and thoughts, I weakened myself until I was left cold, beaten, crumpled in a ball on concrete ground........and that's when miracles happened. I had taken a beating, but God wasn't going to allow me to break.

Lying there, I hear a familiar voice and one I'd hadn't heard in a long time. And as if an angel appeared, an outreached hand from an old friend came and picked me up. I haven't talked to her in months. She had no idea I needed her. She just came by to tell me of a good memory she had of her and I together visiting Winter Quarters and our experiences there. She said everything I needed her to say without knowing it. And just as quickly as she came, she was gone...but this time, I was standing again.

I was reminded of truth and reminded of lies and the lives they destroy. Lies do not come from our Heavenly Father. I chose to listen to one that I despise. God chose to let me go through this experience for a stonger testimony of truth and become stalwart in my mission. His mission. No lie could dissuade me again.

So with this resolve, I go searching for my fellow comrades who are fighting and losing their own battle in their alley. We band together, united, each with similar experiences, and fight like lions. Never wanting to go through the experience again, but grateful for it, and forever changed, forever refined. Good women who became better.

I've learned we can never underestimate the love our Heavenly Father has for us. We may go through difficult times, but we are never alone and will be sent assistance when needed.

And I've learned we can never underestimate the assistance we may provide to someone in their time of need. I know my friend probably thinks she wasn't prompted. She just had a thought come to her mind and wanted to share. But I shudder to think if she wouldn't have been there. I know more dark alley's will be in my future, but after each fight, I learn and am stronger for the next. I will do better next round and never give up.