Tanner Family

Foot IN Mouth Disease

2012-01-19T15:58:00.004-07:00

I tend to put my foot in my mouth, in fact I'm surprised I haven't choked to death yet because it's in there fairly often. I remember a time in college days when someone asked me if I knew a particular girl. I went on and on about how she was my nemesis and that I couldn't stand to be in the same room as her. At that point the person told me that girl was his sister. I've fallen into the classic, 'when are you due?' to someone who isn't pregnant. Once I was at a home where abuse had taken place. The family was in need of some items. We got to the topic of cleaning supplies and I asked if they needed a broom. They asked, 'What do we need a broom for?' To which came rolling off my sarcastic tongue...'To beat your kids with.' I was horrified within a second because it wasn't what I meant literally, it was my impeccable sarcasm coming out at the worst possible time. I need a filter with a timer. I still think of that day and cringe.Case in point: Yesterday a friend of mine posted this picture on Facebook with the caption:"This is probably the scariest picture I have ever seen. My kid is like, Mom if you have to strap me in to poop, then we have a problem."

Then I had to throw in sarcastic comments, not to mention all the ones that went through my head...1. Seriously though, it's genius. Your kids could be in timeout for hours. 2. The kid didn't even pull his pants down, kind of defeats the whole purpose. 3. This is wrong on so many levels. 4. Talk about leaving the toilet seat up. 5. What kid gleams with joy to be strapped in to anything...let alone a toilet?
Then the unimaginable, yet I 'should have known it was coming moment' happened when the next few people made comments of: 'It's for special needs children who don't have the ability to support themselves for sitting.' 'It gives special needs kids more privacy and freedom.'Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Seriously, I'm going to hell. These people probably thought I was the devil, and I may as well be.
There are times when I really try to hold things in. Some days it works, some days it doesn't. Yet again, this is going to be one of the days I can't hold it in and I'm sure I will be offending people in masses. But, I have an opinion and my mouth isn't staying shut.
I'm sure you've heard about it. The campaign to push Mattel into making a bald Barbie. Going with 'bald is beautiful' in dealing with cancer patients. Now keep in mind my dearest friend just ended her lung cancer chemo treatments and is bald as well as another dear friend fighting breast cancer. So, I'm not clueless on this matter or heartless. I just don't get it.

I don't know, maybe it will help a cancer patient to feel beautiful. I am a diabetic. If they made a diabetic Barbie with syringes and insulin, it wouldn't make me feel any more beautiful than I feel now. My daughter is blind in one eye. If they had blind Barbie with a washed out eye, my daughter would NOT be impressed. And then where does it stop? Will they make a Barbie for every illness to help others feel better about themselves? Will they make a hoarder Barbie with trash and moldy food crammed in the box with her? Likewise will making overweight Barbie, arthritic Barbie, Parkinson's Barbie, lazy eye Barbie, denture Barbie, or crippled Barbie make those individuals feel better? I really hope not. People are going to argue and say Barbie has been 'perfect' for years by having the perfect waist, boobs, hair, eyes, etc. Yet, the only people I've heard complain about Barbies are those who have insecurities themselves. I guess making Barbies that have suffered from real life issues will make these individuals feel better. Yet, I have a hard time imagining a little girl going to a store and purposely picking out a bald Barbie. It all comes down to what defines beauty. The fact of the matter is our character, integrity, and personalities make us beautiful. No one needs a Barbie doll to market what beauty is, but we also don't need to make her the victim if she has a healthy and beautiful appearance. I'm kind of flabbergasted that we are letting a doll dictate what beauty is in the first place. The doll itself isn't going to teach little girls about beauty, their parents or guardians should. Little girls just want something to play with.My question goes back to bald Barbie. Is it a concept in which the main goal is to raise awareness, or just to make people feel better? If its the latter, how about a hand written letter of encouragement letting someone know all the strength and beauty they possess? Guaranteed that will go much further and mean more than looking at a bald plastic doll. We must remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder and those who know beauty, don't use their eyes to see it.
BUT...even as I'm writing this I'm waiting for someone to expose me for the meany I am and let me know how this concept of bald Barbie has given their relative the will to go on. This will only make me aware, yet again, of my disease called 'foot in mouth.' And then just maybe, I can make a pitch to Mattel and get my very own Barbie.

The Modern Wubby

2012-01-16T17:21:00.001-07:00

It's a little known fact my husband can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Now it seems he's acquired a new habit of needing a wubby to nod off to dreamville. 99% of the time, this is how I find him AND the kids...with their gadgets all snuggled up cozy on the couch or under the covers. They fight til the bitter end to keep awake slicing fruit, killing pigs, playing Bejeweled, flying F16's, playing Words With Friends, reading, or whatever app of the month they've downloaded. Half the time at night I get hypnotized with the constant drooping of the iPad with the sudden jerk motion back up in playing position which gets repeated about 5 to 10 times before I tell Jason to put it down and go to sleep. Other nights I get woke up from the bed shaking from Jason practically having a seizure on his iPad playing Fruit Ninja. It's getting more annoying than the snoring. Bring back the blankets and pacifiers and stop this infidelity.

Windy Days Bringing Change, My Calm Day Will Come

2011-12-26T15:56:00.006-07:00

It's the day after Christmas. Usually at this time I'm already packing away the decor but for some reason this year I'm not ready for it to be over. I'm not sure why this year seemed different and more sentimental to me. Whatever activity we were doing I was trying to take it all in and tell myself to remember this moment...moments of happiness, peace, hope, and to know that this life is full of joy. I need to hold on to those feelings because somewhere in the pit of my gut I feel like I'm going to need it because there are changes on the horizon and that feeling is a bit unsettling to me. Don't get me wrong, change is good, but it's the 'type' of change that makes me nervous. If it's change due to my decisions, I have a better ability to deal with and adjust to it. If it's change due to trials, I especially dislike going through it no matter how necessary it might be. The other type of change is knowing change needs to happen but not knowing exactly what change it is.
I've been wrestling with myself over the past year regarding decisions for my life. I feel as if I am 18, just graduating from high school and someone asking me, 'Well, now what are you going to do with your life?' And while I explain all these grand ideas of what I could do, inside I haven't got a clue. That terrifies me. I feel like a plastic bag tossing to and fro in the wind. I'm an extremely focused person. My husband often describes me as one who has the ability to shut things out if I am focused on a task or path. That is both a blessing and a curse. Either way, it is comfortable for me because at least I feel I have a direction in which to go.
Let me explain my predicament. I mentioned in our Christmas letter I will be starting school. I posted months ago on deciding what career would best fit me. I feel good about my decision, but not great. I feel school is the next step, yet I don't have a desire for it. My focus works extremely well when I am passionate, so lacking the desire makes me question how focused I'll remain. I'm coming to a conclusion that in my quest for my future I'm thinking pridefully and humbly at the same time. First, my pride steps in when I think of having to start over in school. I went to college 15 years ago, doubting much will transfer. Starting from ground zero is frustrating not to mention all the experiences I've gained thus far in time should account for something, right? Not in the corporate world. They want to see a certificate for me to be considered competent. I understand you need to gain tools and education relating to the field one chooses to work, but in my opinion common sense, dealing with and reading people, and good judgment play about 85 percent into it and I think that's the edge I have compared to so many who lack those skills. I am confident enough that I could do about any job and be great at it, except chemistry or calculus related. Prideful? Maybe. I've always been able to pick things up quickly and work at one hundred percent effort. I am confident enough in myself that I can do anything I set my mind to which has also been a struggle since there are so many things I want to do in this life. To think of sticking with just one leaves me a bit disheartened. On the other hand while I have a desire to be the best I also have learned to enjoy myself in the process. I can have fun and be happy anywhere. I think back at all the jobs I've had and have appreciated each one for things I gained and I've always managed to have a blast doing them. Was de-tasseling corn glamorous? Was stocking shelves, serving up ice cream cones, helping to manage a retail store, and scaling teeth fulfilling? Nope. Those jobs didn't define me or my happiness, my zest for life did. I decided a long time ago that no matter what I did-I would do all I could to make it enjoyable for me and others. I can entertain myself quite well. So, the humility side says it wouldn't be beneath me to work fast food if that's where I'm meant to be.
My dilemma now becomes do I just work to work and make it the best? It would allow less pressure on me and my family. I would be able to have more flexibility with my schedule, I could try many things, not have school loans, and could continue to spend time volunteering in other capacities. OR, is there a bigger purpose for me that requires my full efforts in schooling to reach my highest potential? Is there a career that would help me use my talents for good beyond what I can do now?
I've been teetering between the two for a long time. I'll feel really good about one and then a couple of days later I feel really good about the opposite. There are pieces of this puzzle which are missing and I can't find them. I feel lost and without a purpose. Don't mistake that statement, my family IS my first priority of which will always be my primary purpose. My statement means at this point in time I have the undeniable feeling there is more for me to accomplish. I feel it racing in my blood, in my bones and soul. I just wish desperately to have the answer come that will make everything click, feel in sync, and have me working like a machine...doing what it's built for.Each choice has pros and cons. Each would yield a different style and way of life and I wish to know which one fits me and my family best. I want God to say, 'do this' and I'll do it. But he won't and shouldn't. It's the blessing of having agency even when it doesn't feel like a blessing. I just hope and pray to be guided to the answer.
I edited a book recently that touched on writing your own personal mission statement. I've thought about this and can't shake the feeling that it could help me in my decision. I've decided it will be my next step. As morbid as this sounds, I've often thought of writing my own obituary/eulogy and filling in details of what I want people to remember of my life, but a mission statement sounds less creepy. If any of you have found yourself or someone you know in this experience, I'd love to get any advice to what helped guide your decision.
In the meantime, I'm just kickin' it getting older by the second. Going to try to enjoy the ride in the wind until I finally land.

2011 Christmas

2011-12-26T12:14:00.001-07:00

Our Christmas picture and letter for 2011:

It’s hard to believe another year is almost over. Is it me, or is time going by more quickly? I look at my kids and think they can’t be that old because I’m certainly not aging. Either way, time is slipping through my fingertips. As usual, we are busy living life and appreciating each day. We bought a new home and are finally settling in. Please adjust your address books accordingly. I decided moving is like childbirth. You forget how miserable it can be, so you decide to do it again meanwhile saying when it’s over, ‘we will never do that again.’ Yet, the cycle continues. We love Arizona and now with having a pool can say we love it all year round. Our goal is to be in this home forever, yet will go where the Lord desires us to be. We have been abundantly blessed. Here are some happenings for us this past year:

Jason--- Continues to be a hard worker and was promoted to Assistant Manager at the Federal Reserve Bank. We are proud of him for winning a Legacy award for being the top pick in the district for his contributions in innovation. He built partnerships in the community by sharing his idea of having shredded currency used as fireproof home insulation. This idea is now being carried forward in San Francisco. He loves to serve at church and in the community. He keeps busy by keeping up with the ‘honey-do’ list for the home. He enjoys exercise, reading, and being the best husband and dad. He treats me like a queen and is devilishly handsome.

Jen--- I’m in my 3^rd year serving on the Governing Board for our school district. I volunteer weekly in Nathan’s classroom doing private tutoring. I love serving in Relief Society and am so thankful for the great organization for women. I am anxious to go back to school and will start next year. Jason is thrilled that maybe one day I’ll earn a paycheck for my work rather than volunteering all my hours away. I spend my free time decorating the new home, exercising, reading, being a taxi for the kids, I enjoy writing about random things on my blog, spending time with friends and family, and I still like naps.

Brynna--- Freshman, teenager, world revolves around her, etc. Actually, she is a great kid. She loves high school, get’s straight A’s, and is extremely involved. She cheers for all sports, is involved in student council, loves dance, and goes to Seminary to study scriptures every morning at 5:30 a.m. She has a rotating schedule of 3 boys she crushes on. She enjoys reading, being with friends, going to church dances, checking her hair every 10 minutes, playing piano, singing, and getting embarrassed by her dad. She is the peacemaker of our home. She is a great example to all around her.

Nathan--- Currently in the 5^th grade and is unstoppable. Nathan is involved in Boy Scouts and is moving right along passing requirements and earning merit badges. He continues to play basketball, annoy his sister, play the piano and is a big helper around the home. He jumps on the trampoline daily and is mastering his back flips. Nathan is our charmer and loves to make others laugh. He was asked to emcee a talent show at school in the coming month. He’s been working on his stand-up comedy act for the event. It could be brilliant or a disaster, time will tell. We are thankful for his light-heartedness and his ability to offer so much love.

Hoping all my readers had a very Merry Christmas.

Great Minds Think Alike

2011-12-10T18:15:00.002-07:00

It's Saturday. Usually I'm out and about or have something to plan for. I got nothin'. That's not good for me. Sure, there's a ton of things I could/should be doing, but I'm not motivated and so boredom stepped in. Don't ever combine boredom with the internet. It takes you on hour long tours that seem only minutes long to cheap thrills. MY kind of cheap thrills. It's comforting knowing other minds operate like mine...off the beaten path. Now I'm in front of my computer in tears...busting a gut (I'm certain it's more humorous because I've been cooped up all day and starting to have tics). Many times while I'm out and about I'll see posters/signs/pictures that catch my eye that I so badly would love to add a sarcastic comment to. Back in the high school glory days, it was an activity on a weekend for me and a few friends...now I'm living vicariously through others:

Seriously, who's going to come save me from myself? I need to get out. I also need a negotiator to talk me out of the can of spray paint in my hand.

We Love Ugly

2011-12-05T02:35:00.002-07:00

It is a phenomenon. Who spends money on hideous sweaters that remind us of our youth in the 80's? We do... along with many others. Instead of being the kids who dreaded going to school because of ridicule due to mothers making us wear ugly clothes, now we do it for cheap thrills and embrace being pointed at and a laughing stalk, kinda like reverse psychology in bullying. It's a sick ironic joke. But, it's funny.
We even were sick enough to go a step further...thrift store only buys for gifts. If you're ever looking for a great date night activity, go to a thrift store. First, it is completely comical/puzzling what is on the shelves. Who donates half burned candles? There had to be at least a dozen of them on the shelf. And we're not talking Yankee or Gold Canyon, these were the ones you buy at Michael's for $1. Total random things such as this cracked us up. Others such as homemade gifts, old trophies, college degrees, and hand painted portraits made us leave with permanent smiles for the evening.Second, being at the thrift store brought back great memories. I'd find something there that our family had when I was young and a wave of memories came flowing back. Between the two of us, Jason and I learned more about each other. Between the humor and memories, it's therapy.
We did a dice game for the gifts which were wrapped so no one knew what was inside. It's interesting to see what people will fight for without even having a clue what they're fighting for. Some of the memorable mention of gifts were:
Pottery Maker (yes, like the one on Ghost)Old Fashioned Hair DryerTelevision Set (Still Worked)T.V. Table TraysMalt MakerDubai ManFramed PicturesDancing BabyMany Faces of Santa CandleSlush MakerBooksCardsDying Singing Christmas TreeFrying PanNun DollBath SaltsBasket full of Chocolateand I know I'm missing lots of others.
Our ugly guests:

Ugly AND homemade!! Lovely red sweater vests with lettering to spell 'Merry Christmas' but ONLY if they were together and positioned correctly.

Yes, she has four children so it's only fitting that she'd wear a sweater any mom would be proud of. And for him, it may look plain but up close it's hard to miss the DOLE pineapple. Deliciously sweet.

Glitter, hot pink, and birds...her kids liked it and I'm positive so do some ladies in Sun City.

He got the wrong memo. It was a sweater, not a rug party.

These 'would be' plain sweaters were brought to life with a little careful measuring (his sweater especially) and talent with a glue gun.

Apparently did not need any reverse bullying psychology.

Grandma, the cougar.

Burned to ashes, his sweater was recyclable.

She in her silky vest complete with turtleneck and he in his U2 pose complete with a scarf solely in Spanish, make great potential Old Navy models.

We started the evening with conversation of how now horses can be slaughtered in the U.S. Ponies are great ice breakers. And he is out to prove that women's sweaters are not just meant for women.

Matching turtlenecks. Adorable. In a struggle with other customers in thrift stores, she finally had to settle for a Walmart vest. His deer and 'to grandmother's house we go' helped him pull in a win for male best and earned him the Poverty Sucks plaque (which oddly enough we purchased at Goodwill).

Not yet a mom, but getting a taste of one with these special Christmas geese, and he in what was thought as his mother's sweater...literally.

We <3 moms.

Us in our Dumb and Dumber/ Christmas Vacation look.
My big prize for the night? The nun. I wanted the malt maker or at least the T.V. tables. Which later it dawned on me, why was I hoping for ANY of it?? While moving I got rid of so much junk and I didn't need to be gathering up more.

Now that it's over, I've been relaxing and drinking lots of left over cocoa. While I was sitting on my couch tonight, I gazed at my tree. And then what to my wondering eyes appear... someone had a sense of humor and decided to hang the nun as my Christmas angel on the top of the tree.

She's staying as a conversation piece.

It's The End Of the World As We Know It...And I Feel Fine

2011-11-25T16:59:00.003-07:00

It's been 24 hours since I returned from 'Black Friday' shopping. It's the first year shopping started earlier than Friday. There were pros and cons. For me, the night owl, late night shopping is a huge plus as opposed to trying to drag myself out of bed in the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, that was the case with lots of individuals. I'm sure the stores made bank but I felt compassion for the employees that were torn away from their families on Thanksgiving to serve complaining, irrational, and impatient people who got to be with their families.
I have three situations I want to comment on:1. New Obstacles.2. A Change of Heart.3. The Apocalypse.

1. Holy teenagers or A.K.A...space occupiers. The problem with shopping at night is the youngin's haven't been to bed yet. At least at 4 a.m. the youth are all snug in their beds and too lazy to be up. The mall was horrendous. Dodging the teenagers was adding a whole other obstacle to the mix. Many seemed to have a confused, vulnerable virgin look in their eye, you knew it was their first 'Black Friday' experience. They tried walking around doing what others were doing. Kinda like the teenage protesters, not really knowing why they're yelling and holding signs, only because it's 'cool' since a majority of others are doing it. Their goal wasn't to shop, it was to be out of the house. Watch and learn amateurs but stay out of the way.

2. Toys-R-Us opened at 9 p.m. There wasn't really anything fabulous in the ads, but there was one item that would have saved us 50 dollars. We arrived several minutes before opening. We knew there would be a line, but I was willing to wait until it all poured in the store to get my item. I knew they'd have plenty left. OMGosh, the line was wrapped around the entire store. When the doors opened, they only allowed 20 people in and would wait 5 minutes before letting another 20 in. Maddening. The line grew more than it diminished. I wanted to pay someone to let us jump in, or save the item for us. Another couple who arrived the same time we did magically cut the line and were the third shift to be let in the store. I was SO irritated. People had waited roughly 10 hours in that line. I would've been pissed if I'd been the ones behind who'd waited for hours. But in actuality, I think I was more annoyed that they outsmarted me as they glanced and smirked my way. I used to be amazing at cutting the line at the school lunch line and lines such as these and now I loathed the ones who did. Back in the day I would've given them a pat on the back with a 'good job, if you have the guts, then you deserve it.' Yesterday, I wanted to literally grab them, expose them and let the lynch mob take care of them... or worse, tattletale (*gasp*) to the manager before she let them in. What has happened to me?? I've grown a conscience. Dang that Jason.

3. The movies and games at Walmart were strategically placed in the produce section. They had it all taped off while they were counting down and giving the crowd the 'keep calm' pep talk. I delegated that responsibility to Jason for once as I had the pleasure of watching from a distance leaning on the potatoes. As the 'go-ahead' was given, I saw two amazing sights. First, I've always wondered if people would become as inconsiderate as they appear in the movies when 'the end' is near and they are stocking up on provisions. What I saw from a distance gave me a look at how I behaved as one of them in the past. There was the goal of getting that item that was so important, the consideration of any other human being became the furthest thing from the mind. People were pushing carts into others while others were being shoved, cussing at employees as if it was their fault that items ran out, body odor and sweat permeating the air, the crazed look in the eyes, and complete and utter chaos. It wasn't pretty and I became certain at that point of the importance of having a sufficient food storage supply. Really, it scared me. And from afar, when you see what people are willing to do to one another to save a few dollars, it's quite sad and depressing and ridiculous. I'm 99.9% positive the apocalypse could begin at Walmart. Yet, in all the madness was a beautiful sight, my husband moving as if in slow motion as he spun, juking his way around the craze. It was like watching a pro NFL player on slow motion replay making the play of the game. He did it with such grace, sophistication, and humanity...he is the prime example of why we didn't cut in line earlier in the evening. So while some went to bed last night feeling accomplished because they got everything on their list by whatever means necessary, we went to bed knowing we kept our dignity.Damn that Jason...he'll make a lady out of me yet!

The Truth Hurts

2011-11-09T16:16:00.004-07:00

The day came, and I wasn't expecting it. I'm sitting at the table while Nathan is doing homework and he says, 'Mom, everyone says the parents bring the presents.' Me: 'What are you talking about? (Knowing full well what he is talking about and using the extra time to process the alerts going off).Nathan: 'That parents bring the presents and not Santa!'I FROZE. I never freeze. I'm rarely caught speechless. I usually have some way of re-directing this stuff. And yet I sat there and struggled as I said, 'Do your homework and we' ll talk about it later.'I'm struggling because I know in my mind that it's time, but every cell of my heart is fighting it due to a mother trying to defend and hold on to her child's childhood as I see it fading fast.
We as people have a deep desire to know the truth of things only to realize half the time we wish after knowing the truth that we wouldn't have asked or pursued it in the first place. If I were a betting person, this is exactly one of those instances Nathan will be experiencing later this evening. I know he will be bummed after our talk but I also know he is in 5th grade and I need to be grateful that it's lasted this long. I did real well of always deflecting the question back at him, 'Well, what do YOU think, is Santa real?' And he always came back saying he believes. This year after I pulled the same question he shot right back and demanded, 'I want to know the truth.' For the first time the phrase: 'This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you' finally resonated with me. Why is the truth going to hurt me? Because once this talk happens Christmas won't be the same for him or for me. It is yet another slap in the face of realizing how short my time is with them. Floods of memories are filling my mind of kids in footie pajamas running down the stairs on Christmas morning with eyes big and bright, writing wish lists and mailing letters to Santa, little ones wanting to sit on Santa's lap, little hands making and leaving out cookies and milk. Part of the magic will dim for a season. Santa, in my children's eyes will become like a Teletubby or Elmo (something cuddly, fake and commercialized) for a few years until they have their own children and resurrect the magic.
Right now...1. I'm wishing I had about 4 more under the age of 8 to take the pain away.    2. I'm feeling extremely apologetic to my mother for wanting desperately to grow up so fast. 3. Disturbed that I'm already posting about Christmas.
Wish me luck. :(
UPDATE
My conversation went like this:I sat Nathan down on the couch and asked how he would feel if he found out Santa was real. He smiled and said he would be very happy. I asked why. He explained because then he would know he wasn't crazy. He said he remembers a few years ago closing his eyes for a few seconds and when he opened them there were presents everywhere. Brynna's been telling him for awhile, 'dude, you just fell asleep.' He swears he didn't. He really does believe it.
I asked how he would feel if the parents bring the presents. He said he would still be happy and understand why they would do it but didn't sound quite as happy as scenario number one.I asked what he tells kids at school when they ask if he believes in Santa. He said I just tell them, 'I don't know.'  His next statement to me was classic: 'It really doesn't matter if Santa is real or not because it's the elves that make the presents anyway.'So precious, innocent, and naive. I almost cried and laughed at the same time.
I proceeded to tell him, 'Nathan if you want to know the truth, I will tell you right now but I want to tell you something first. Sometimes not knowing is more fun than actually knowing. There is something about the mystery that makes things intriguing.' I further explained to him to think of when we read our mystery books together at night; we have so much fun trying to figure out what is going on and what is going to happen. At the end of the book, it's wonderful to know all the answers but is also a let down because then the mystery is over. The imagination has been filled by all the details by the author that don't match our own. On the flip side, I also said the truth is also a great blessing to have because then you know exactly what you are dealing with. That clarity can also answer more questions. You don't spend your time wondering. Again, I said it was his decision to make of knowing the truth of Santa, all he needed to tell me was when he wants that truth.
He turned to me, hugged me and said, 'Thanks Mom, I think I'll wait awhile longer.'My heart blew out a sigh of relief...for now.LONG LIVE SANTA and childhood.

Fall Break

2011-11-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

I figured I needed to hurry and post something from all the 'ew, gross' comments about my below zombie post. On the plus side, I did have a couple of my friends who came out of the closet and announced they also were watching/loving The Walking Dead.
We went to California over Fall Break and decided to take in excitement (Six Flags Magic Mountain), education (U.S.S. Midway), spiritual (Mormon Battalion Center), food and shopping (Old Town San Diego) and relaxation (Mission Bay and La Jolla Beach). We were in California for a few short days and spent the rest of our time and energy at home getting the 'honey-do' list done.
First stop: Magic Mountain

The crew minus two.

We started on the moderate rides so some could get a feel and work ourselves up.

Revolution.

I would've loved to have read her mind to know her thoughts at this exact moment. But by the concerned look and death grip, I think I have a pretty good idea.

Tatsu. The boys in the front row. My biggest concern for the trip was how Nathan would do on the rides. He rode EVERY single one the big boys did and loved every minute. He did ones even I couldn't do...due to my fairly recent equilibrium total break down. I can flip a thousand times, but to put me in a spinning fashion and expect vomit.

The infamous Colossus with Goliath hovering overhead.

I think the only picture that actually proved I went on a ride.

The girls were a blessing and a curse to each other. They would either talk each other into a ride, or scare each other out of it.

Apocalypse. The coaster they loved going on multiple times. My hair flipping like crazy because of the speed and roughness was one of my favorite things about this ride.

I practiced this shot multiple times to try and get the girls as they flew by...no avail.

Men vs. Goliath

By the end, people were starting to shut down.

The explanation of this ride is 'entering the 5th dimension' whatever that means. So, I thought it important to place Jason and Nathan on it first to test the waters.

So we waited....

...and started to snoop while we waited.

...and worked to tidy the place while we waited.

...and got approached by a family hoping as a worker that I could assist them in finding a few rides. Rather than just saying, 'um, I don't work here' I did the next best thing, 'Do you have a map? Maybe you should try your map.'

So X2 was freakish according to our test riders. SO glad I didn't go. If my husband was freaked and felt a little nauseous, I would've DIED!

Favorite picture of Six Flags: the total randomness down to the little girl on the left.
Next stop: USS Midway
We loved it here. Way too much to see. We did the headphone tour and were glad we did. We spent a good 4 hours there and still didn't see everything. It was definitely worth the trip and the money. I was fascinated by knowing ALL that takes place on a ship such as this from laundry to cooking to medical. I loved touring the kitchen (which still smelled like food) to get an idea of the work that took place to feed a ship full of men on a daily basis. I can manage to grumble about feeding myself at times. The whole tour was very educational and I highly recommend it.

I don't know where he gets it from.

Caity sleeping in the barracks.

She's always had a thing for pilots.

Hopefully receiving psychiatric help.

'The Commander' with two very small pilots.

My daughter is a perv. I gotta be honest, when I first saw this..the tall lankiness, the pale snow white skin I thought it was Tyler. No worries, it was a clone mannequin of him.

I have no idea how I ended up with so many shower scene pictures, but here is the next one. And it wouldn't surprise me if he actually takes reading material into the shower.

A small selection of Squadrons who served on the USS Midway.

Upon closer investigation...'Don't ask, don't tell' in effect.

Yet again, the randomness of Nathan as he appears to be on a cell phone with a Sasquatch feel as he enters the picture frame.

Poster Child for the Navy: The 'Hero' pose.

Favorite picture from the USS Midway: This is not meant to offend anyone, but I can't help but think this picture portrays Nathan as being 'special' as he's being buckled into his plane seat.

Next Stop: Mormon Battalion Center

Paying particular attention to Nathan (yet again) as he ruins another shot. A little back story to this: his favorite game as a family is playing charades. One time I gave him the clue 'dumbbell'. He had no idea what a dumbbell was and did his best improvising by making a stupid face while acting like he was ringing a bell. It was comical, but now we catch him doing it in photos to be funny.

He liked being the go-to guy for the tour guide.

Picture in picture.

As we researched names, it seems quite possible that Suzanne and Jason's family were in the same handcart companies.

My usual happy self as I do my chores.

Jason secretly dreams of going gold panning. It is on his top ten to-do list.

Finally, the man works.

I don't really know what was going on in this picture, I'm assuming it's Suzanne showing us her pathetically small piece of gold.

Out of control.

Not quite sure what I'm doing with my hand, but it ruined our picture.

If starvation or the cold/heat wouldn't have killed the kids while crossing the country in a wagon, I may have with all the whining.

Inspiration pose.

Old, gray, and lonely...complete with a rocker.

Jason thought he was so funny casting his shadow on them during the picture, all the while not realizing he himself was in the picture looking like a doofus.

Favorite picture from the Mormon Battalion: Jason defacing a statue. This is a long running battle between him and his brother-in-law. We're ahead.
Next stop: Old Town San Diego

We saw the historic area homes and went through the shopping centers. I bought an amazing puffy llama and a head massager. Random memorabilia. My llama is a conversation piece and the head massager is one of the best inventions ever...I get immediate goose bumps the second it touches my scalp. It is truly heaven for all you who love a great scalp rub.
I love the individual personalities of the homes...just one of the things I miss about the midwest:

Favorite picture: Besides the awkwardness of Tyler, I love how Jason inserted himself again in the picture.
Final stop: Mission Bay and La Jolla Beach.

I did a Facebook challenge on this photo to come up with a caption for this picture.

Some were: ‎"OH MY GOSH, Mama look....that guy is whiter than I am!!!!!"

Buddy the Elf: "SAAAANNNTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

HAHAHAHAH!!! X''D HAH kid history: "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKE. . . IM GONNA KICK YOU IN YOUR HEAD!! MIIIKKKEEEEEEEE"

La Jolla...I LOVE it there.

Favorite Pictures from the Beach:

The Amish at Mission Bay. I found them fascinating because of the joy in their faces while playing in the water. For some reason, it was really moving and beautiful to me.

Great trip. Good times. Looking forward to Spring.

Eating Like Zombies

2011-11-01T15:54:00.002-07:00

There aren't many television shows that I feel the need to see every episode. There have only been a few that I obsess over. My latest one is The Walking Dead.

Literally, I think about it a lot. I've even registered online by entering the 'code' to become an extra. It's on my bucket list and I don't even have a bucket list. I know of others who watch it and when we found out each other watch it, we are united kindred spirits and instantly have a bond, you know...like belonging to a sorority or going to the same church. We talk about our theories of why things happened and what is going to happen. I've really found the inner geek. I love everything about the show...the cast, the story line, the make-up, the scenery, the deep dialect, the explosion of zombie pieces, the intensity as I sit on the edge of my couch wondering what I'd do if I were in the same situation, and let's not forget the squish and squash of body parts and the removal of arrows to the head.
Friday, I was out to lunch with Suzanne when she asked me about it. I think I was done talking an hour later. She had a look of horror and intrigue on her face. We had planned that night to get out the big projector and watch old 80's horror movies outside by the fire. It changed when I found Season 1 of The Walking Dead at Redbox and asked if they were interested. It turned into an all night affair and into Saturday. And now we have turned more mortals to the obsession. I guess you can say we are our own breed spreading the 'virus' to others.Come Halloween night...annual Halloween dinner at the Kellis home. Of course it HAD to be Walking Dead Themed and we tried to honor those who have fallen in the process:

Who can forget the heroic horse who valiantly gave it his best to escape downtown Atlanta? We never will.

Even though Merle is alive, this memorial is dedicated to his hand and fingers...plump, meaty, and you don't quite know where they've been.

Since he was blown to smithereens, we're assuming pieces of him are everywhere.

R.I.P. Dr. Jenner (The Whisperer)

Though emotionally unstable, Jim gave a great puking performance.

Though it's death was not caused by Walkers, the deer should be honored for it's beauty and all the PETA lovers who probably had a conniption.

Layers of decadent scrumptiousness for hours of enjoyment. Otis got a raw deal and so did the Zombies.

This attack was one I was rooting for...the bruising AND the killing. Ed was a rotten egg.

Other than the mouth she's a cute lil' thing. Not nearly yellow enough or hard enough molars but you get the idea.

Lots of it spewing every episode.

Puss pockets galore and it kinda makes you feel sorry for 'em and want to give them a tissue.

We did not get to honor all who've died for our viewing pleasure, so just to ensure our due diligence:

Amy, the birthday girl. It's her party and she can cry if she wants to.

Jacqui, the last black woman on earth?

We licked the skulls dry.

Zombies/Walkers otherwise known as geeks.

The girls' interpretation of geeks.

Walking Dead Gnome

My little evil gnome.Most kids thought he was a yard statue for Halloween and so he did a fabulous job scaring kids of all sizes..he sure does make me proud.

Ladies and Gentleman....Boys and Girls...

2011-10-23T21:45:00.003-07:00

OctoberHalloweenFoodParty+ CostumesActing like Clowns (no pun intended)
Tanner Murder Mystery Night

Another year, another night in polyester. It never gets old. Our theme, "Murder Under the Big Top" was centered on the circus. I loved all the possibilities that it provided from food to decorations to characters. We had circus food which included a full hot dog bar, nachos, chips, animal crackers/cookies, peanuts, popcorn and caramel corn, with hot fudge sundaes, cupcakes, cookies...etc. Your typical nightly all American meal. My kids along with Caity and my mom helped with some of the decor. Special thanks to those who helped blow up multiple balloons lit by glow sticks.

I have to be honest and say I'm always a bit bummed after the fact because there is always so much I want to do and either run out of time, money, or both. I would have loved to do booths, cotton candy, candied apples, pie eating contest, etc. Luckily, no one else sees the expectations in my head or others might have been disappointed as well. But really, the party is all about the people. It's only as fun and entertaining as the people involved. The character possibilities were endless and everyone did such a bang up job taking their assigned part and making it their own. I had someone ask me why I go to so much work every year. I do it because I love to provide opportunities for others to enjoy a laugh or two while being with friends and forgetting their troubles for a night. Hopefully, that was accomplished.
Our performers:

The Clown (Creepy enough to scare kids for life) and Peyton Protection (The poor guy got robbed multiple times).

The Two Headed Man and The Ventriloquist

(Both additions to their costumes were both genius and disturbing).

Ruby (Won Best Performer which I'm still not quite sure if he even read his part) and Finley Fiscal (The Bearded Lady).

Pat Pachyderm (Elephant performer and kuddos for an amazing costume of which part came from her previous baton days) and The Vendor (Has the most expensive popcorn in town).

I had to post this picture for memorabilia purposes. Awkward moment of the night: Janice states, 'I want to look sexy for this picture' while getting ready to pose with her son.

Cat Levens (Lion Tamer also won for Best Dressed) and Ricky Mammal (Animal Caretaker).

The Carny (No, it's not a skirt, it's a gaming table) and The Fortune Teller (She gave me a good read so I believe in her).

Casey Saber (Sword Swallower, and in my opinion the best introduction of herself at the party) and Rowan McGregor (Midway Manager).

Awkward Picture of the night: Mandy Small (The Skinny Midget Woman) and Harley Bell (The Strong Man).

Agent Swift (FBI of whom I still owe $500) and Nick Dagger (Knife Thrower and a pretty good flirter).

The Animal Performer and Boomer Jackson (Ringmaster...best voice of the night).

Harold Hargrove (Boss Man) and Matilda Hargrove (Boss's Wife) and oh my gosh, my mid-section looks huge in this jumpsuit!

BTW...no, my character did not say I was a raging alcoholic. I've just never played one and it allowed me to stretch my acting abilities. More things to add to the resume.

Ariel Swinger (Center Ring Acrobat and hussy) and Robert Flyer (Catcher...kuddos for actually using the trampoline).

Twisty Kristy (Acrobat, my personal banking system for the night, and she still came away wealthiest player) along with D.J. Ink (Tattoo Spectacle and more kuddos for shaving the head for the party).

And last but certainly not least Skylar Toppoler (Injured Acrobat and the 'Star of the Show').
The Crew Together:

Annual Smith Spooktacular 2011

2011-10-16T01:44:00.001-07:00

This year's theme was famous people. I was thrilled because it fit with my outfit I'd been planning since LAST year. For last year's Smith Spooktacular I was scrambling and had thought to be Barbie and have Jason be Ken, but to put together something quickly was going to cost mucho dinero. Luckily, the Chilean Miners had just been rescued...so thanks to them, they were the inspiration for last year's group costume. We bought a foam mattress over a year ago and it came in a gigantic, awesome box. A box wonderful enough that Nathan had his eye on it wishing it was his for the taking. I had it pegged for Barbie. And so it sat in our garage driving Jason crazy. He is a bit meticulous about his space in the garage. He grudgingly gave in. It became an even sorer subject while we were moving that I insisted it come with us. He hates that box, but sure didn't have any complaints putting me in it.

After being in it for awhile I realized I hadn't quite thought it through, especially the ventilation aspect. It was quite hot and reeked of paint fumes. The paint was dry but still had the sticky feel and so every time I removed it I'd lose some hair and came home with hair stained pink. I had zero peripheral vision and ran into people and things all night. I knew going in that I was going to be on the uncomfortable side and isn't that what costumes are all about?? On the plus side, I didn't have to worry about my breath or sneezing without covering my mouth.
Jason was an easy Ken other than I couldn't find a plastic brunette wig. To match the blonde, I had to spray his hair and eyebrows as yellow as I could. That stuff smelt like trash, so I had a hard time being around him for the night...so if you smelled something vile standing next to him...it was the hair, I promise! We also had him wear a bow tie and had my ginormous engagement ring in a box rubber banded to his hand and flowers in the other hand, also rubber banded (so his hands were not to lose their proper stiff form).

The Smith party was nothing short of fabulous and we love to go and mingle with dear friends. Following are pictures of the night. Ken was in charge, so there are ~~a lot~~ tons of pictures missing. It was on his list of duties for if I left my box, I would have lost half my value. So many good costumes are missing from these photos. I will be posting more as soon as I can snag some from others as they post theirs...so stay tuned.

Bikers and Team Rehab: Britney Spears and Charlie Sheen.

Team Rehab: Amy Winehouse and future Justin Bieber.

Team Rehab: Lindsey Lohan and Dr. Dru.

Humpty Dumpty. Yes, folks, that is a REAL pregnant belly painted.

Mary Poppins, a tired Mary Poppins...sorry Penny.

Our D.J., Darth and his Apprentice, the Phantom duking it out.

Our Emcee: Jem's Manager and Trivia Winner Jesse James.

Humiliation point of the night: the D.J. playing 'I'm a Barbie Girl' and insisting I take the dance floor solo. That song went on foreverrrrrr.

A cop and her doughnut.

Santa delivering Megan's life size Barbie for Christmas. Megan was Paparazzi for the evening.

Shaved ice for the evening. I lost count after having 5 of them. Addicting, plus it was like having my own little air conditioner in the box.

Honorary Awards

Best Famous People's Choice Costume: Mad Hatter and Alice.

Best Famous Scariest Costume: Nightmare Before Christmas.

The coveted VIP award for the best partier...as you can see.

Best Famous Funniest Costume: Jersey Shore.

Best Famous Still Alive Costume: Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Best Famous Deceased Costume: Titanic Passengers.

Best Famous Couple: Ken and Barbie.

I play to win.
And the box is still in the garage. :)

Home Transformation: Stage 2

2011-09-30T11:36:00.001-07:00

Next phase: Dining Room.
Before:

After:

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find an 8 seated formal black dining set (that I could afford)? I am so tired of looking for furniture that to think of walking in another store makes me want to gag. I literally went across the entire valley. Most of the black tables I had seen came in a dinette...4 or 6 seater, but I really wanted to have a big enough table to fit more people and have the extended leafs to be able to fit the size of the room. I would see ads and the tables looked great in the pictures but upon going to the store I would come to find the wood and quality was junk. So, eventually I did the unthinkable for me...I ordered out of a catalog. You have no idea how stressful this was for me. I was buying something I'd never physically touched or felt the quality of. I took note of the brand that I had consistently seen quality in while shopping and found the table through their catalog. After waiting a couple months due to being back ordered, it came. We nervously opened the boxes and blew out a sigh of relief when I saw it. It was exactly how I imagined and the quality is fantastic.

Now I know what you're thinking...white?!? Where is her mind? Yes, I AM crazy. I've scotch guarded the heck out of them and have bought every high quality stain clean up product I could find. Will it prevent it? No. I have threatened the kids and Jason with their lives, but have realized it will most definitely be ME who makes the first food drop or soda dribble. Nathan lays down a towel over the seat before eating, even he knows himself too well. Why did I do it? I wanted it all to flow with the kitchen, paint, shutters, etc. I wanted black and white so if I wanted a change of the decor I could throw a color centerpiece into the mix to change it up once in awhile. Speaking of which, I'm trying to find the perfect centerpiece so if you have ideas...please send them my way. I figure if the chairs ever get to a point where they look too unsightly, I know how to reupholster and I will do that at minimum cost.

Other than the table, we repainted the walls, took down the drapery and the ceiling fan. I found the chandelier in bronze and marble, so I left the marble and painted the rest black.

My biggest love of all is my rug. To me, it is the highlight and adds so much. I knew with the style of a modern table I would need to soften it up, therefore I wanted more of a romantic light and rug.

2 rooms down...lots more to go.

I'm Not Smarter Than a 5th Grader

2011-09-15T00:18:00.001-07:00

Horrible confession: My son has overly annoyed me lately. For those who thought I am the perfect mom...sorry to disappoint you, again. He's 10, has a ton of energy, and lately I swear he finds things to push every nerve and button I have. I feel like a cloud of negativity has been hanging over the house. When he and I are home together I feel I am always coming down on him and wondering what the heck is going wrong. Or is it that he has some learning disability? No other kids his age could possibly be acting up like he is, right? Do you moms ever feel this way...like the Wicked Witch of the West, but morphed into it because you HAD to?
Nathan's Mom:

So on the day I'm ready to rent myself out to a more normal family, my son comes home with his 'Student of the Week' booklet that his classmates made for him. Each of them wrote what they most like about him and what characteristic they feel he represents and why. Some of descriptions include:* You always want to help.*You aren't afraid to be yourself.*You do such a good job at being a team leader.*You tell funny jokes and make me laugh. (multiples of this)*Nice to everyone.*You are always fair.*Always nice and never get mad.*You respect other people.*I can tell you anything without you telling anyone.*You never say anything mean.*You take care of people.*You are honest and loyal.*You will never not offer to help someone.*You are the nicest person ever.*You give people's stuff back if you find it.*You never talk back to people.*If someone is sad, you play with them.*Anyone could count on you.
My heart became so heavy. These 5th graders were recognizing all his strengths while I was choosing to only see my high expectations and overlook all the good he does. I think I'm the one with a learning disorder. I have failed so many times in the parenting aspect. Just give me a big fat 'F'.
I realize these kids weren't encouraged to write anything negative, but there's something to be said about compliments coming from individuals who don't HAVE to say it. If my family or friends give compliments, it's easy to question if they are only saying nice things because they don't want to offend or hurt feelings. These comments were honest ones from his peers. Somehow for some reason, that day those little opinions carried more weight as I sat and cried while I read them. I was humbled by a classroom of 5th graders. Humiliated and grateful at the same time. I just want to hug all of them for waking me up.
Today's picture of Nathan's Mom:

Through The Years...

2011-09-06T23:51:00.000-07:00

So it's my 15 year anniversary today and in honor of this sacred day I thought I'd make a compilation of my favorite fifteen pictures over the past 15 years. Not everyone could be married to Mr. Tanner...but here are some reasons I am:

The man is irresistible. The day I saw him...I was hooked.

He is my favorite sidekick, looks good in tights, is my truest friend, and he always has my back.

He allows me to dress him, even if I pick out something ridiculous.

He taught me how to shoot a gun and stick up for myself.

We had a youngster in hard circumstances, but he never lost his cool.

We volunteer together for the greater good and we like hot dogs.

At times I'm dangerous and he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty to be an accomplice.

He takes me dancing.

We lived in 'da hood, an we been happy.

He knows where I came from and embraces my roots.

We coach each other.

We have our quirky hobbies...like Angry Birds.

We love road trips and driving fast!

Sarcasm. An essential ingredient in our marriage.

And he gave me an obnoxious family who I love to be with EVERY day.
Love you babe.

My Name Is Jen, I'm A Wife, A Mother, A Friend, A Politician, and I'm a Mormon

2011-09-01T16:45:00.001-07:00

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, otherwise known as 'Mormon.' This month marked 17 years since I converted to Mormonism. I have never regretted that decision and I would never change a thing. Most people hear the word 'Mormon' and associate it with Warren Jeffs and/or sister wives. Nothing could be further from the truth of who we really are.
I went to a meeting recently where members from church headquarters announced a new media initiative that will be taking place in several states. Starting in October, many commercials on T.V. and billboards around the city will be run and the ad is for mormon.org. It's a website where individuals can be educated about the church and come to know that being Mormon and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is one in the same. Individuals will also be able to read member's profiles to learn more about who we are and how this church and it's teachings affect our lives.In the meeting officials explained how different focus groups were brought together, who were not of our faith, to ask questions and find out their perspective on Mormons. Here was the response:
44% said we are Family Oriented39% said we are Cultish38% said we are Controlling38% said we are Conservative28% said we are Secretive27% said we are Dedicated24% said we are Anti-Gay20% said we are Sexist20% said we are Weird9% said we are Pushy

Yikes. While I do know there are certain members of our church (like any member from any other church) who can be like the negative descriptions listed above, this is not the majority of it's members or what the Church stands for. With mormons.org, people can learn more about our faith through members of the church through profiles and videos. The purpose of the media initiative is to give individuals the opportunity to learn more about us in the privacy of their own home. It is to give clarity of who we are and what we stand for. After the focus groups had the opportunity to learn more, the perceptions they previously had changed and a realization occurred that Mormons experience the same life experiences as everyone else...we may just deal with them differently.
In honor of this initiative, I created my own profile, of which you can read here. I thought I would also share it on my blog. This is very personal to me, but I'm also proud of who I am and how I feel about my faith:

ABOUT ME:
First and foremost I am a wife and mother of which is the greatest love of my life. I also am involved in local government and currently serve on a Governing Board for a school district. My passions in life include observing people, being creative, searching for and executing new challenges, developing personal relationships, writing in a myriad of avenues, giving of my time, pursuing education, spontaneous road trips and listening to and downloading oodles of music.

I thrive on progression intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. I crave to be challenged. I seek to find what I'm made of. I find fulfillment in proving myself wrong when I feel I am weak, uneducated, or unworthy of good things. Due to particular individuals who've entered my life, I've been privileged to gain new talents and strengthen my weaknesses. These individuals have encouraged me to recognize more of my potential of which I'm forever indebted. I have an overwhelming feeling of joy when I am able to 'pay it forward' in service.

I love when I choose to be happy and positive. There are days when it can be a struggle but I feel accomplished if I can get someone to smile, even if it's myself. Sarcasm is usually my weapon of choice.

WHY I'M A MORMON:
I grew up in other religions. We didn't attend often, therefore I didn't have much knowledge of the teachings within the scriptures, but I always knew God existed.
When I was 14, I lost my Dad suddenly and abruptly. For reasons unknown I started to develop distrust in life and individuals. It was at that time I felt myself distance from religion and close relationships. My way of dealing with the hurt and distrust was to turn off feelings and pretend those feelings didn't exist. What was cold and dark inside I tried to make up for in personality on the outside by humor and a painted smile.
When I was 19 years of age, my friend asked me to attend a Missionary Fireside. That night something sparked. For the first time in a very long time I allowed myself to feel again. I was overcome with emotion as I heard messages of our Savior Jesus Christ. I felt peace, love, forgiveness, and hope. Soon, I was learning about the church through the missionaries. I found it odd as they taught the lessons that these were concepts which seemed and felt familiar, as if I knew them, yet I was hearing them for the first time. I barely knew anything about the church before I decided to get baptized, it just felt right and I didn't want that feeling to leave.
A year later, I had decided to fully read the Book of Mormon from beginning to end. I started with the Introduction wherein Joseph Smith shares his testimony of events that took place leading him to translate the golden plates from ancient prophets. I cannot deny the feeling that entered my heart and impressions on my mind that day. Everything I based my baptism and membership on were from feelings but then the intellect and knowledge I'd just received had provided me with an undeniable and sure testimony that this church is true.
I'm a Mormon because through my membership, I've received the tools to find true joy now and forever. My soul is now bright and vibrant and my smile is authentic.

HOW I LIVE MY FAITH:
I try to live my faith everyday. I'm not perfect, but I'm striving for it. I've realized it's easier and more enjoyable to live my faith if I'm practiced in it, meaning if it's a daily occurrence. I pray and read my scriptures personally and also with my family. This practice has strengthened me as an individual and as a family we begin to see each other as God sees us. We realize each one of us is important in one another's development and progression. While working through our differences and weaknesses, if done in the right spirit, we refine ourselves and our family.

I serve in an organization of the church whose purpose is to teach women to increase in faith and personal righteousness, strengthen home and families, and serve others in need. I have learned essential skills from the women I've been surrounded by in this organization to become a better wife, mother, and citizen. I've become more compassionate as I serve them and others in need. I've been the benefactor of these women's efforts and know that they change lives. They may look very ordinary, but they do extraordinary things.

I also am continually involved in my community. Whether it be the school board, volunteering in a school classroom or city cleanup, I believe in making my community a better place, even if it is by small and simple things. I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom, so fortunately I have time to be able to serve in these capacities.

More than anything, I try to live my faith through obedience. God has placed commandments to protect me not to restrict me. The longer I live, I come to know happiness follows obedience. Even if I'm not sure why it's important at the time to follow the words of Christ, eventually the knowledge comes which strengthens my testimony of God and Jesus Christ's love for me. That love is what gives me the courage and faith to face each day striving to do and be the best I can.

Behold...Your Teenagers

2011-08-30T01:32:00.004-07:00

Many hear the word 'teenager' and associate it with negative connotation. I believe teenagers are the sleeping giants who have the potential to change society in a way we adults never can or could. I realize that stating one teenager is like another is like associating one food in describing all. But I'm talking about my teenager. I have been preparing ever since she was a baby for these teenager years when she would become a 'menace to society.' I heard many horror stories from other mothers of their personal stories with their teens. I'd seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High one too many times. And moreover I mostly feared and half expected her to become like her own mother. I believe I was every parent's nightmare of which mine should receive a full pardon of any of their sinful acts alone on the fact that they survived a few years of mine.
I fool myself at times by thinking somehow I'm responsible for who she is and who she is becoming. I know I play a piece in that role, but my major star role diminishes daily. I've become the old actress who no one wants to hire except for when they're desperate. Others have now stepped up to fill the roles that I no longer can.
I look at the above picture and feel happy. I'm happy because she is so happy. She is happy because she surrounds herself with great people (teenagers and other adult influences) whom she sets as her standard as role models. I realize as her mother, I am not capable of being everywhere she needs me to be, when she needs me and how she needs me. But at every turn I can see faces like the ones above who can be and are. There are times she has shared with us of struggles and difficult days and the people who've said the right thing without being consciously aware of her situation, which ultimately helped bring a great change in her. Who she is and who she is becoming is largely due to the teenagers in her life who are courageous in doing what's right. They cling together in schools where many others have much different standards. By doing so, they are unified and protect one another yet aren't exclusive to themselves. They are actively trying to make a difference. And they are... even if it's with one another.
For those who dread the teenage years, don't assume the worst but expect the best. They may just be living up to the expectation that was labeled upon them. The ones who criticize the generation forget who raised it.

Did you hug a teenager today?? (Just don't do it around their friends)

Home Transformation: Stage 1

2011-08-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

We are moved! I feel like we'll be unpacking boxes for...ever. The difficulty is that I have many things I want to focus on to make this home mine while unpacking in the process. I need a clone to get everything done, the way I want done, and the time frame I want it done in. Jason is a pretty good clone, but he's also counter-acting the process as he breaks things along the way. Plus, since he works all day the last thing he desires to do when he gets home is to work on the home while listening to my perfectionism ways as I ask him to re-do something or tell him how to do his Jimmie Rig jobs.
I will probably post things over the next year on house updates as it will be a work in progress. My first line of business was the kitchen since that's where I spend most my time. Not because I'm busy baking all day, but that's where we seem to congregate as a family while staring into the refrigerator.
First, the cabinets were not my style. I'm not an oak person. I love the color yellow, but not as a kitchen/ceiling color and it seemed to clash with the granite and tile back splash. To me, it was too country for my taste and I wanted a style that was classic and timeless. When we first looked at the house, the kitchen was the only big hold up for me. Once I convinced myself that I could copy it to the image which was in my head-- there was no stopping me. Summing up what I pretty much said to Jason was, 'This is what I'm doing, and don't try to stop me.' Fortunately he trusts my judgement. The only question he's learned to ask is, 'How much is this going to cost me?' My answer...honey, you can't put a price tag on this:
BEFORE:

AFTER:

I've ALWAYS wanted to do black cabinets, but in my other homes the lack of light would've made it look like a dungeon. With all the light in the kitchen, the colors in the granite, tile, and with my new paint job I thought it looked ah-mazing. We replaced the almond color appliances with stainless steel. We got great deals...with all appliances a year old (with the exception of the microwave being brand new) on Craig's list, all for $900.

I decided to paint the cabinets rather than stain them. The longest part was taking the hardware off. Just a little sanding, prime work, and Dunn-Edwards paint mixed with a tiny bit of water so it would go on thin enough without streaks and allow the wood grain to show through like so:

And for the final step, I added all stainless steel knobs to match the appliances.I'm in love with my kitchen and admit sometimes I just sit and stare at it. Now if I can just bewitch my way through the rest of the house...

Break the Chain

2011-08-13T23:21:00.001-07:00

I've never been one who's good at being forced to do something. If I do something, 90 percent of the time it's because I want to not because I have to. It's easier to be sincere in that respect. One of my first tastes of feeling bitter over being forced to do something, other than chores assigned by my parents, was the infamous chain letter. At first I thought, 'what a genius idea!' and got to know the in's and out's of learning how it worked after receiving one.
Chain letters are letters which promise a phenomenal return on a small effort. The simplest form of a chain letter contains a list of x people. You are supposed to send something to the top person on the list. Then you remove the top person on the list, sliding the second person into the top position, add yourself in the bottom position, make y copies of the letter, and mail them to your friends. The promise is that you will eventually receive y of x somethings in return. You do this assuming that everyone on the list is honest and just perpetuating the "chain."
This is where my problem came in. So if I didn't do it, was I being dishonest, a let down, and supposed to be guilt ridden? The fun and excitement instantly faded when I felt I'd been locked in to something that now was a chore. I didn't control who sent me the letter, why was I suddenly under contract? Sure, I had my time to let them know I wasn't going to participate...which made me look like a snob, irresponsible, or resulted in making up a lame excuse of why I couldn't do their chain. It was a no win situation and so I ended up doing it anyway and hating every minute of it, meanwhile hardly ever receiving anything in the mail in return. And then I thought, did these people really want to be sending this letter to me, or were they just going through the motions? It made the sincerity of the project seem less genuine.
Now, years later I'm seeing a new version of chain letters. It doesn't cost a thing and really doesn't take any time, but it still leaves me with the same feelings. I'm sure most of you have done this, so it's nothing against you personally, I just have my usual opinion of it.
Facebook posts. Here are several examples and see if you can pull out what has me irritated:
A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 14. People call another guy fat. No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re post this if you're against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 99% of you won't.♥

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? But couldn't figure out what the letters stood for. Well its time you became informed! (A) Almost boobs. (B) Barely there. (C) Can't Complain! (D) Damn! (DD) Double Damn!(E) Enormous! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up! ~Repost if u love a good laugh.

A mom ALWAYS thinks about her kids, even if they're not with her.
♥ A mom loves her kids in a way that they will never understand (until they have their own).
♥ A mom will be there for her kids when no one else will.
♥ A mom will catch a grenade, take a bullet, stand in front of a train, & ask God to take her instead of her child.
♥ If you have children that you love as much as I love mine, post this as your status.
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! MY GENERATION GREW UP RECITING THIS EVERY MORNING IN SCHOOL WITH MY HAND ON MY HEART. THEY NO LONGER DO THAT FOR FEAR OF OFFENDING SOMEONE! LET'S SEE HOW MANY AMERICANS WILL RE-POST THIS AND NOT CARE ABOUT OFFENDING SOMEONE.

A person has 1000 wishes. A soldier only has one, to come home safe to his family. I know 97% of you won't post this as your status, but the 3% that do are my friends.
When u carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache. When u open it, he collapses. When he see's u reading it, he faints. When he see's u living it, he flees. And just when ur about 2 re-post this, he will try & and;discourage u. I just defeated him. Like, Copy & and paste if ur in God's Army.

These are just a few within the last day that I've seen stream across. I'm perfectly fine with posting feelings about parenthood, religion, America, soldiers, etc. but it's the last sentence that sends my annoyance on overdrive. So, if I don't re-post I'm: 1. In support of bullying and stereotyping. 2. Don't enjoy laughing. 3. I don't love my children as much as you love yours. 4. I fear offending someone. 5. Am threatened at the fact that the 3 percent who do re-post are only your true friends. 6. OR that I am easily defeated by the devil and am not in God's Army.
FYI, if I want to re-post it, I will. Don't use threats and guilt as a way to spread the message. Please, I beg people...BREAK THE CHAIN!!
*Re-post if you agree with me.

Kinda Sorta Big News

2011-07-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

After 7 mos. of placing an offer, it's official. :)For those who hoped we would go far away...too bad, sorry. It's barely a mile away. I know, right... what are we thinking?! We're thinking: bigger home, more land, pool, basketball court, great neighborhood, all for less than what we pay now. Perfect timing since school loans are filling the mailbox. Fortunately, because we were patient, the cost of the home dropped by ten grand within those months. Cha ching. This kind of luck NEVER(rarely) happens to us. Jason must be doing something right.Definitely not excited about a July/August move in AZ heat. I keep looking around my house and get tired thinking of all that will need to be packed and get done. After recalling past moves I figured it's a lot like childbirth. It takes awhile, is exhausting, and you usually end up slapping your spouse, but after awhile you forget about how horrible it is because you end up doing it again. So ignore me if I seem cranky or irritable especially since I'm sure we will be soliciting help. ;)If anyone is interested in buying our current home...let us know, otherwise we'll be renting.

Summertime and the Livings Easy

2011-07-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

4th of July week in Utah summed up in pictures...

The Ladies

Dreaded Tanner Family Welcome Kiss

Bounce House

Fun + Laughter= Cousins

Bright Eyes

Foot to Jaw Combo

Lovely Holland

Aiden and Kensie

Awkward

Brynna Frolicking

Clarity

One of us wears glasses for coolness factor.

Now I know why Tiffany thought he was annoying as a child.

Elegant Kaylee.

Made For Each Other

Beauty Madelyn.

Alexandra and Max.

Monique and Ty.

Beautiful Nieces.

Shea in all her wonder...

Siblings

Shea, Grandma, and Tiffles

Soda Pop Junkies

Tiff and Ty.

Jason and Max.

Angry Mom.

Boys will be boys.

Wet T-shirt Winner.

Anson

Brace for Impact.

Pure Joy.

Michael sharing what seems to be a good story.

Father and Son.

About to kiss butt.

Marnie, Holland, and Dad busted picking the nose.

No Fear.

3 Happy Truckers.

Welcome to the Gut Show.

How Tanner babies entertain themselves.

Kennecott Copper Mine

Generations bonding over copper.

Slave to the Women.

Chase, Malan, and Nathan

We also saw our dear friends, the Shallenberger's. This picture is taken in their backyard. The boys picked up right where they left off.

We went to Sundance and rode the ski lift to the top.

We stuck Jason with the boys...

...while we had the quiet, peaceful ride.

Jen and Tonya. Also picked up right where we left off. I treasure our friendship and being part of each other's lives. I failed to mention we showed up on the worst possible day...the day they moved into their new home. Still, Rob and Tonya took time to be with us. Just an awesome family. We love you.

These boys got mad skillz.

Things to forget:

*Jason in a shower cap.

*Max singing a horrible rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

*Dad's awkward comment.

Vacations always end so quickly, but we are thankful for the time we do get to spend together, family, and friends.

We love you all.

xoxo

모르겠습니다

2011-06-30T15:07:00.001-07:00

So, we left the country last weekend and ended up in...

Yes, that would be California.
We went to spend some time with my dearest friend, Nance. I've known Nancy now for over 15 years. I love her like my sister. Recently, she found out she has small cell carcinoma. She fell into the .1% who get it without being a smoker or being exposed to second hand smoke. Kinda the same irony of her being an oncology nurse.
One of the things I love most about her is how merciful she is. In thinking of justice and mercy I think I sway more towards justice. Probably from my rebellious childhood and the amount of consequences I had to endure to which now I think are more than sufficient from my lack of obedience. I think at many times I lack compassion. There are a couple friends in my life who exemplify compassion and mercy and one of those friends is Nance. Things in her life that I would have thrown my hands up or the towel in...she takes with patience, hope, and a heart of understanding. She is exactly the type of person I need to be more like and she gives me something to aim for. Now, instead of opening my mouth around her too much to offer my opinion, I watch and listen. She may not have immediate results in her actions, but her actions change hearts and are definitely more loving and lasting.As I heard of her cancer, my justice heart and mind set in of sadness, hurt, and maybe a little anger for someone who does so much good who must go through so much trial. I thought someone more hard headed like myself should be facing these hardships. Yet, she's taking it in stride and is strong, faithful, and is at peace. She is merciful even with her trial.
When I'm having a hard time and am tempted to get upset and ask that one-worded faithless question, 'Why?', this quote has always been a sense of comfort:
"If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the Father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, agency, would be ended. No man would have to live by faith...."Should all prayers be answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these things were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life. Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery." (Spencer W. Kimball)
It's difficult to be so far away, not being able to help physically. All I can do is offer prayers and check in on her by phone. But I know even from the distance, she will still be teaching me and many others as she faces this challenge. If anything, this trial is one finally worthy of her righteousness. She is a warrior and will fight with valor. Her attitude of gratitude is independent of her circumstances. It goes beneath the surface of life, be it sad or joyous, because her gratitude is in God. She is my idol.
Even in the solemness of it all, we had a great time. We laughed as families and enjoyed being together and still made it a vacation.

'The BeeJobs.'

The guys tried to make the idea of a wig more appealing, which backfired.

'Toothpick in the Sand'

Headed to Newport Beach.

'Before the Burn'

We have all been in the sun for hours in Arizona, we still put on sunscreen, and we still fried.

How Catie gets ready for a big date.

Totally unrelated to the picture, other than coolness...but I had my first Sprinkles cupcake this weekend. Key lime was amazing and I'm glad there isn't a Sprinkles close to me.

Also got to spend time with one of my CA BFF's...Carla, whom now Brynna is bigger than.

Nathan's new CA BFF: Cole.
Thanks again to the Thompson's, Hoeke's, and Goettsche families. :)

POLL: Has FB Ruined Reunions?

2011-06-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

VS.

I have heard chatter from various people talking of their high school reunions coming up this summer. In thinking of my future reunions, I'm indecisive if I myself will plan to attend. There are several factors that would hold me back: money to travel back east, I'm still in contact with my close friends from school anyway, and the biggie: Facebook. I know that technology can hinder face to face interactions, I'm definitely not lacking in that area and I swear I'm not becoming a cyber-nerd. I embrace both technology and human interaction. Yet...has technology ruined reunions?
I was excited for my ten year reunion. I loved going and seeing everyone, hearing about their families, seeing pictures, hearing about where they were in their journey of life. Now, almost ten years later...we have Facebook and with that, the curiosity that made reunions exciting...is gone. I'm happy when I see the 'Friend Request' or locate someone... because for me, it's a mini-reunion right there in my home in my pajamas. All those curiosity factors are answered and I enjoy catching up.
So, in thinking of going to a reunion and seeing those who are already my 'friends' on Facebook...what do we talk about? What do you talk about when you've already had your questions and curiosity answered? I know we can elaborate on family stories or careers, but what next during the awkward silence? You can only reminisce about the glory days for so long. Is it worth the money for plane tickets? I'm sure I sound cold, but I'm being serious and am really asking my readers...what's your opinion? What will you do?

Essential Categorizing (This is A Long One)

2011-05-31T16:56:00.001-07:00

I'm in awe of the things that are around us that we fail to notice or focus on until it becomes pertinent to something we’re searching for. I had to prepare a talk to give at our Annual Stake Relief Society meeting. I was passionate about my topic, but am very much a visual person and use what I see to transform ideas into what I write or say. Thankfully my dream I shared from my last post and the symbolism at my back door (I’ll explain later) gave me a deeper resolve of what I needed to prepare. I only had about 20 min. to speak so I didn’t include all my thoughts from my notes and don’t remember exactly what I did say due to nerves. But I thought I’d take the opportunity to write it out to reference and refer to on my days I struggle. (If you were at the meeting you can forgo this read, some have asked that I write it down, for first timers: listen up).

Our theme was “Women Who Know.” It is taken from the account of the 2,000 Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon who decided to take up arms to defend their families. They protected their fathers who had covenanted with God to bury their weapons of war due to the loss of life from their acts of violence and ignorance. These boys were very young. They courageously walked into war fighting alongside their once enemy to defend their homes, liberty, and families. They spoke of not having fear because of the faith of their mothers to which they said ‘our mothers knew it.’ Because of that faith, not one of those young men perished. To go along with our theme, Suzanne Kellis spoke of “Women Who Know…Know Who They Are”, Nickie Rolfe spoke of “Women Who Know…Have Hope.” And I spoke on “Women Who Know…Do Less.” I know what you’re thinking…Jen’s busy, likes to stay busy, and is probably the last person who should speak on this topic. BUT, though I am busy, it was more of a talk on priorities and instructed that when they are in order we will do less because we make time for that which is most important.

I used two main sources for my talk. One was a October General Conference talk by President Uchtdorf called, ‘Of Things That Matter Most.’ The other was a Training Meeting and BYU address given by General Relief Society President Julie B. Beck.

Pres Uchtdorf spoke in his talk of life and rushed pace and stress. When I think of that I think of women. I think of the demands on our time through being wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends, employees, homemakers, our callings, and the expectations we set for ourselves. We have many who depend on us and we add upon that with the even heavier demands we place on ourselves. President Uchtdorf says, “When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia-even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.’ Do you ever feel that way?

It’s easy to be busy. We can ALWAYS find things to fill up our time. For some, their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. “It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Over-scheduling our days would certainly qualify for this.” I know that I’ve definitely fallen into this category. I remember when the kids were small. I remember my schedule well because it was the same thing EVERY day. Change diapers, give baths, make meals, vacuum, laundry, pick up toys, wipe up drool, etc. etc. Jason would come home from work and talk about his day. I remember being so jealous. He was being challenged and was having new experiences every day. Here I was a college graduate and the only challenge I had was going to the bathroom by myself and keeping my sanity. So, I decided to fill up my days with ‘things’ just so I felt I had something different to contribute. Those things held no worth. You know how I know they were of no worth? Because I don’t even recall what they were. Yet, it’s the books I read to the kids, the small cuddle moments that I remember and miss greatly.

When I think of things that hold no worth, I’m not thinking of breaking commandments and doing ‘bad’ things. I think Satan is wise to know of the strength of women we have amongst us today. He will not tempt us to do things which we would easily say ‘no’ to. His cunning ways will make what we do with our time be the temptation for us.

In a training meeting from Julie Beck, she helped Relief Society Presidencies globally to know better how to plan meetings to make wise use of the sisters’ time to benefit their lives most. Our leaders wanted to ensure that Relief Society wasn’t being used as a ‘social club’, but as a place to increase personal faith and righteousness, strengthen home and family, and serving the Lord and His children. When we go to our meetings, we need to feel more uplifted leaving the building than when we entered. This has inspired me greatly in my calling, but I also know this isn’t just meant for our Relief Society program as a whole. The goal is to make it into every one of our individual homes. We have been asked to make our homes like our LDS temples. I don’t believe this just means cleanliness and not just what we let enter the doors of our homes, but what we DO in them as well. In thinking of what kind of work occurs in the temple, it is of most essential and necessary things.

So, in planning our days, Julie Beck says there are three categories that will guide us into prioritizing and I might add, do less.

The first and most important is the Essential category. These are things that pertain to our salvation. These include:

Scripture Study (We need to be guided and led by a detailed map that helps us know God, His Son, Their plan, who WE are, and how we fit in that plan.)

Prayer (Through our humbleness and seeking revelation, we can be guided in our lives.)

Making and Keeping Covenants (By making promises with the Lord through Sacrament Meeting attendance and Temple Attendance we will have an added increase of the spirit in our lives and will be blessed in ways only God can do.)

Service (Whether big or the smallest of efforts, by serving others we come to learn more of who our Savior is).

The next category is the Necessary category. These are things that are needed to help us live our lives. There are too many to list but a few include:

Cooking

Budgeting

Work (for some)

Keeping up on household duties

Exercise

Finally, is the ‘Nice To-Do’ category. These are things or hobbies we enjoy doing usually for our personal benefit and can include:

Reading

Scrapbooking

Computer Time (Facebook/Gaming/etc)

Girls Night Out

You get the idea. First, let me make myself clear, don’t think of these things as bad things, they are nice to do’s. They can bring enjoyment to our lives….but how much of our time is spent in the ‘nice to-do’ category? If we spend a lot or most of our time here, then who is taking care of the things in the essential or necessary category??

You’ll be amazed if you take care of the essentials and necessaries first, how much time you’ll have to spend in the nice to-do’s. OR, you may even decide that priorities have shifted and you will do less to make time for the essentials ( which require a very small amount of our time). We all understand the fundamentals it’s just that we sometimes get so distracted by things that seem so much more enticing. I do know that if our focus is not in the essentials, that they will be forgotten because we’ve proven that they are not our first priority and will become an afterthought. The adversary would have you focus all your time in the nice to do’s-- not even the bad to dos, because all he needs to do is keep your focus away from the essentials and from reaching your highest potential and he’s done his job. I can guarantee the adversary will never tempt you to do the essentials.

It is important to remember that women are a strong influence and driving force in the home.

Julie B. Beck points out this clearly in her quote:

‘I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. For example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. If that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. If that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with God, she will be in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. They will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. It isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. The lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. She encourages that participation. She cares about seeking after her ancestors. If the lioness at the gate knows about and understands missions, missionaries, and the mission of the house of Israel, she will prepare future missionaries to go out from that home. It is very difficult to get a lion cub away from a lioness who doesn’t believe in missions, but if the lioness believes in a mission, she will devote her life to preparing the cub to go out and serve the Lord. That’s how important she is.’ That’s how important YOU are. No wonder Satan targets women…he knows if he can lead a woman away, he can possibly lead an entire family away and generations of posterity to come.

I believe the mothers of the 2000 Stripling Warriors knew who they were, knew their potential , and knew they MUST faithfully be doing the essentials. These women knew it, because they lived it. I believe those boys not only saw it with their own mothers, but with other women they associated with. I believe there was a loving sisterhood, like the sisterhood we have today, to lean on and learn from one another for strength and encouragement.

A few weeks ago I was out back on my porch and I heard buzzing above my head. Thinking it was the usual jumbo black bee I winced, but as I looked up, realized it was a hummingbird gently hovering over its nest being built on our porch garden lights. I’ve spent many days watching it carefully coming and going, gathering material to make it just right. Upon completion, it sits there every day for hours, only leaving for a couple minutes at a time. Jason reached up with the camera while it was gone and found that it’s been sitting on 2 eggs. Can I say that I am amazed at the unselfishness of this bird? I know that it is being obedient to instinct, but we have parental instincts too that we choose to disobey continually. I look at the hummingbird in the heat of day sitting and waiting, probably wishing it was out doing other things. But if she leaves, she leaves her soon to be babies in danger. She knows the necessary and essential things that must be done to do ensure that safety. I can’t help but think that to her, the days seem long and tiresome. It will become even worse while trying to feed them, but she does these things because they are essential and somehow, she knows it. She is one of the smallest of God’s creation and she gets it. How I long to be more like her.

I’m far from where I need to be, but testify through putting this process of categorizing to the test, that it will indeed give us an increased power because it leads us to be better prepared, leads us to have less frustration, leads us to build stronger relationships, leads us to have increased joy even when trials are present, and leads us to draw nearer to the Savior Jesus Christ. In prioritizing and making essentials first, we will not fail. We will have children look to us and say, ‘they do not doubt, these women know it.’ Our faith to do what’s right will give them courage to have faith and be victorious in their trials, safe from their adversities, and heroes to the world and their posterity.

To: Myself From: Myself

2011-05-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

I watched a video not long ago where mothers were asked what advice they would give themselves before they had their first child. Now that my kids are getting older, I related more than I hoped. I thought of what I would tell the 21 year old Jen. I would plead with her to enjoy every moment with them and know that everything else can wait. When the kids were little...I enjoyed my moments, but always looked ahead to the next thing. I would catch myself thinking...'I can't wait until she/he will sleep through the night.' 'I can't wait until I no longer carry a diaper bag.' 'I can't wait until she/he will go to nursery.' 'I can't wait until she/he can walk so she/he can come to me.' 'I can't wait until fingerprints aren't everywhere.' 'I can't wait until she/he is in school.' I realized everything I wished for was in some way to benefit me. Now, it's those listed things that I miss terribly and they happened in a blink of an eye. Now, instead of thinking ahead, I find myself looking back and longing to carry a diaper bag and an infant to console in the middle of the night. To be honest, at times it leaves me tearful. Yet, I know my children are not mine. They were sent to me to prepare them to be who they were meant to be in this world. I just simply wasn't prepared for all the joy and pain I would feel to see them progress and grow up.
About a week ago I had a dream. I was visiting my Mom and Step-Dad in my old home in Nebraska. Brynna was a 4 year old in pig tails and we traveled back together like we always used to. I spent a week there and knew I had stepped back in time because I still had all the knowledge I have now. I knew Brynna is 14, that Johnny had died of cancer, and my mom sold the only home I'd ever known to move closer to me. In the dream I wasn't permitted to share any information of the future. Therefore, I made wise use of my time and ensured nothing but my family mattered. I could've cared less about how spotless the home was or any television show that was airing, or getting on the computer to check emails. I watched my daughter run and play out in the green grass, gave her endless hugs, spent time laughing with Johnny and my mom, and took in every scent...look...and feeling of my home. When I woke up I felt I had received a tremendous gift: I was able to re-live one week of my life. And oh, how differently I lived it.
Fast forward to today. I chaperoned a field trip for Nathan's class to the zoo. I'll be honest, I was dreading it. I knew it would be exhausting, hot, and extremely loud. I didn't have a private thought to myself for four hours. After wishing for about 5 aspirin and a week in the Bahamas, I was sitting next to Nathan on the bus going home. He laid his head on my shoulder, grabbed my hand, and told me how much he loved having me there. I smiled to myself and thought...this is it. That brief moment made the four hours worth every second. There's nowhere else I would've rather been and silently thanked myself for sacrificing 'my' time to make it 'our' time.
Time is either our friend or our enemy. We have no control over it...only what we do with it. From a woman who's soon reaching a mid-life crisis, I offer my plea....let go of that which holds no worth. Nothing is more important than our relationships. There will be plenty of nights of uninterrupted sleep, diaper bags will get replaced with heavier baggage, being in the hallway at church isn't so bad, carrying kiddos provides great exercise, homes will always get dirty again, and once in school you are no longer their universe...you are replaced with their teacher...who becomes way cooler and smarter than you. Hold your little ones, hold those memories close to your heart, and learn to treasure 'our' time more than 'my' time.Know you are blessed to be a mother. Learn to use time wisely and make it your friend.It's always ticking....

You're Welcome, Anonymous

2011-04-19T00:34:00.004-07:00

I can admit that I've had more people in life who were better friends to me than I was to them. I ask a ton of questions to get to know others, yet I offer very little information about myself (other than superficial things). First, I really don't feel I have much to offer. I enjoy being a jokester and try to cheer others and boost their mood, but after that, feel there really isn't anything special that others can benefit from me. I have some life experiences I'll share, but rarely go to the depths of my soul. Once I feel maybe someone has gotten too close, I push away. I fear they won't like what they see...selfishness, corkiness, and although I may seem tough, can be an emotional and needy creature of which I don't feel comfortable being in such a vulnerable position. Very few have broken this thresh hold. They're still around and I'm left wondering why. I've come to learn there is a distinct difference of friends versus true friends.

Since I'm not the one who feels adequate defining a true friend through personal example, my mind turned to the true friends in my life and the qualities they have that I respect and cherish. As I have thought of these friends who are so dear to me, I've listed what makes them a true friend:

1. Friends will tell you what you want to hear. True friends tell you what you need to hear.

One of my biggest peeves is the 'used car salesman' mentality. If you don't like me, I would respect you much more if you'd be honest and tell me and explain why so I can improve...but to smile and say nice things to my face when secretly or behind my back you loathe me, is to me, one of the most cowardly things a person can do. Go get a job at Larry Miller Dodge. Pitch your crap elsewhere. When someone speaks the truth to me, at first it may not always sit well, but I promise to ponder it, figure where I need to make changes, adjust and try to be better. A true friend challenges me to become better to reach my fullest potential, especially if it means saying hard things.

2. Friends will come to your house for an evening or party. True friends will come early to help you cook and stay late to help you clean.

Sensing and knowing enough about a friend to anticipate their needs is a gift of a true friend. I've had tremendous people go above and beyond the title of friendship...especially knowing I would never ask for help. One of the most heart warming acts of kindness ever bestowed upon me was a family showing up on my doorstep to help me prepare for company knowing my stress and time crunch. That one act made them become family to me. That one act has made me love them forever.

3. Friends can hate it if you call too late. A true friend wonders why it took so long to call.

This isn't so much about a phone call, but more in the fact that a friend should need you no matter the time, but also want you and take every opportunity to show it. I've told my husband that I know he needs me...for celestial glory, for his help meet on earth, but more importantly...I want to be wanted, not just needed. It's quite the opposite for me from the whole Nanny McPhee quote: 'When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I must go.' My truest friends have always made this a package deal. My true friends have always made me feel wanted AND needed.

4. Friends wonder about your history. True friends could blackmail you with it.

This is the highest form of trust, especially with my 35 years of baggage. Enough said.

5. Friends can think a friendship is over when you've had an argument. A true friend calls after you've had a fight.

I admit, I'm high maintenance. Anyone who knows me long enough will eventually end up in an argument with me, because I'm NOT a Larry Miller Dodge employee. I get passionate, but will confess I'm not always right. I've heard that you only fail when you quit. I've had friends quit, therefore, I have had failed friendships. Yet, my strongest friendships have become like my strong marriage because you go through the mud together, eventually get tired of throwing it, rinse off, and become better and grow together because of it while learning valuable lessons along the way. I so greatly appreciate those who haven't thrown in the towel. They are great examples to me of my Savior, who also has never given up on me.

6. Friends expect you to always be there for them. A true friend always expects to be there for you.

It's not about a running tally. It's not about who called who last, who said the nicest thing. Friendship should have an easy flow and not feel forced. I have friends who I haven't spoken to in months, but know I would jump on a plane if they were in need of me...and I know they would do the same for me. We can pick up a phone and speak as if time never passed. Friends like this exist because they are looking for what they can do for you and your welfare, not for what you do for them.

I always have much to improve on, but am thankful for true friends who unexpectedly send a kind note, have me laughing on the phone at 4 in the morning, share my humor and inappropriate pranks, ask advice and give it, love me unconditionally, develop me spiritually, share goals, treat me like family, and make my life full of true joy. I love you my peeps.

Air Heads

2011-03-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Spring Break 2011. What to do? We took the kids to Tucson, spent the night at the Hilton. Shopped, swam, and went to the Pima Air and Space Museum. I'd heard about this place, and was somewhat interested. For the boys, they were all over it, but I have to admit I was fascinated as well. It's the third largest air museum with so much variety and history.

Probably the closest I'd ever get to a Presidential plane. This was Air Force One for Presidents' Johnson and Kennedy.

Jason's favorite plane in the whole wide world.

We had the *MASH theme song in our head all day, I wanted to vomit.

Look!! It's Ed Hardy!

Missed his flight.

Trying to hide out to text.

We took part in a dog fight.

Piece of Cake.

Some random kid was his co-pilot in what I assume is crash position. Sorry kid, anyone over the age of 9 carrying a sock monkey isn't cut out to be a pilot.

And then I stood corrected.

The movie 'Airplane' simulator.

The cockpit.

Elaine Dickinson

Ted Striker

Doing his Leslie Nielsen impression...'I just wanna tell you both...good luck, we're all counting on you.'

World's smallest astronaut...with extra hands.

He liked the texture of Mars' rock land formations...pretty much what he walks on every day.

Stopped in the nick of time. Tense.

White trash. ahahah.

Had to talk Jason out of buying this for church.

What the??

Aspirations

Aspirations...missing finger and all.

Still texting and a picture to remind me its time for me to do her color.

'They Come, They Eat, They Leave'

2011-03-20T18:32:00.001-07:00

Anyone remember what movie that's from? Anyone? It's a movie that I always still manage to laugh through. Anyhow, that's how I'm describing the visit from my familia. My brother's family came for a short visit to escape their winter wonderland. We hiked, went to a Spring Training game, played at the park, went to the movies, let the kids ditch school to be with their cousins, stayed up too late, smoked my brother in cards, and gained about five pounds from food intake.

I'll always be the little sister he loves to hate. And he'll always be the older brother who I'll tattle on because I'm completely innocent.

Hide and Go Seek rock climbing style or Peeping Tom? Not sure.

You can see how concerned we were letting the kids explore, meanwhile posters warning of current sightings of mountain lions were posted.

Toothless Myah.

Persistent Sydney.

Perfect child Brendan.

The Rebel.

The Intellect.

Only missing Brynna. Her evil mother made her finish her benchmark testing at school.

Star Struck. Justin's biggest fan.

Hangin' with the Biebs.

My brother as a girl.

An even uglier woman.

Am I the only one who thinks this looks like someone is actually vomiting in the water fountain?

Good people. Great Couple. Best Family.

Viva Vacation

2011-03-16T19:35:00.004-07:00

Jason and I needed a getaway together. He's pretty good at knowing when we're due. He told me a month in advance to block off a few days but didn't tell me where we were going. I assumed we would be going to California and the beach since we both love it there and he told me to pack according to Phoenix weather. We hadn't been to Las Vegas for over ten years, so I was pleasantly surprised when we started heading on Grand Ave towards Vegas.

Last time we went to Vegas, I wasn't thrilled with our accommodations because we stayed in the same hotel where the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest was happening. Nothing quite makes a girl feel less sexy than seeing a bunch of bikini babes walking around.One of my biggest loves in life is music. Therefore, Jason booked us at the Hard Rock Hotel.

HRH has a new tower that contains all suites. While checking in, the attendant told me we were staying in the best room in the hotel. Then preceded to ask if I was married to Jason. NICE. I guess married girls usually don't get the best rooms?

We were on the top level with a perfect view of the strip. All windows and no curtains drawn all night. I loved how the lights on the strip lit our entire room.

Just in case one T.V. wasn't enough:

By far one of the most comfortable beds I've ever been in.

We were in the 'Kiss' room. This was one of the more calmer pictures.

I don't think you'd ever see one of these at the Super 8 or Holiday Inn:

What I loved about HRH is that it is a music museum. So many different artists clothing, instruments, memorabilia, lyrics of popular songs written on paper plates, etc. I didn't include every photo, because it's hard to get the gist, but I had to include the infamous Michael Jackson glove. 25 years ago, I would've probably cried or broke the glass if I saw it this close.

Jason took me to the Bellagio for dinner at the Olives. Again, upon checking in...the hostess told me they had the best seat in the restaurant reserved for us by the window to the water show. Jason received more brownie points on top of the other brownie points.

Our meal was prefaced by a trio of olives and olive tapenades that came with a basket of bread. It took all of me not to devour all of it.

Jason ordered fillet mignon that was probably the best I've tasted in a long time. I ordered the butternut squash tortellini's. Fabulous.

Celebrating Chinese New Year at the Bellagio.

My love.

Jason and I don't gamble or drink alcohol so we didn't add any monetary benefit to Vegas on that part. We did still manage to visit the bar for a very cherry coke to bump me out of a diabetic low and also visited the tables so Jason could learn the proper way to take a dump. (See above.)

We also saw lots of fresh meat in more ways than one.

Next, we stayed at the Luxor. For being an oldie, I still love the architecture of it.

Again, Jason booked us at the top. The hotel didn't seem big until I looked over the balcony edge and my stomach dropped. The fear of heights reared it's head and I started to sweat. As long as I stayed toward the inner edge wall, I did fine. The diagonal elevator was also a trip.

I was on cloud nine because Jason took me dancing at LAX Nightclub. I forgot how an awesome sound system will leave your ears ringing for the rest of the night. Most hate it, I love it.

How we roll:

We ate at Shibuya Japanese Restaurant in MGM Grand. Probably the best sushi I've ever had with the most expensive miso soup existing on the planet.

I was so excited to go shop, especially when Jason didn't set any limits. But as you can see, Jason had much more success. I think I had one bag for the entire trip. Either nothing wowed me or I couldn't justify the price.

Jason had planned for us to stop in California to go to Magic Mountain. Thankfully we checked the weather and found they had a 70 percent chance of rain. We decided to nix that until a future date. So, we headed home. On the way home, I was craving a good meaty burger. Wickenburg was our last opportunity, so we stopped at the Gold Nugget.

It was 8:30 on a Saturday night, and only one other table was occupied. I joked with the host, who may be the manager, if this was a typical Saturday night in the Wick. He laughed and said in a Greek accent, 'No, for some action I go to the Blue Martini in Scottsdale. I like to rock and roll.' He must have been comfortable in conversation because he spoke with us the entire time as we ate our meal. It didn't help that I am a curious soul and would ask lots of pointed questions. He even walked us to our car at the end. He'd be a great date for someone, but informed me he is only interested in 21 year olds. He's 45ish. What cracked me up about it was during part of the conversation at dinner Jason's body language changed and he became a little agitated. When we were back safe and sound in the car I asked what happened. He started in saying, 'I can't believe he was saying that.' 'Is it because it's a small town?' He was truly offended. This misunderstanding took place as 'the Greek' was explaining in his heavy accent about his buddy in Greece who developed this new locking mechanism that was going to be huge. He talked of how it could keep anyone out, especially ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, etc. At that point, Jason THOUGHT he said and keep 'big black bastards out.' When what he REALLY said was it will be a 'big blockbuster product.' Ahh, the Gold Nugget, Greek men, heavy accents, good times.

This man of mine is my light. He keeps things interesting and we have lots of fun along the way.

Smith Valentine Party '11

2011-03-16T19:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm blogging in March about a Valentine Party. It was one of those, do I still do it because it's outdated? I knew I would feel better if I just did it rather than let pictures sit on my camera for a few more months. AND since holiday decor and gifts seem to appear sooner in retail every year, I figured I'd take the initiative and have you start thinking of it NOW.

Kelley in all her fabulousness has an annual party for Valentines (and for every other holiday). This was my first one so I didn't quite know what to expect. I thought I was going to be pretty cool with my Valentine, turns out I was amateur compared to some of the other talented ladies.

Thanks to Megan, I had a fitting valentine box that I didn't have to make. To go with my plane valentines, I had the Barbie plane. My tag on the planes were inspired by the Bachelor with 'I am the wind beneath your wings.'

Here are some other valentines handed out that night:

As you can see, each valentine had a number assigned. We voted on best valentine, valentine box, and valentine outfits.

Amanda won 'Most Creative' with her donut pin cushions. She has little kids running around, how does she find the time?? And what's my excuse? I also love Megan's laugh in this picture. It makes me smile. :)

Lindsey won 'Most Sentimental.' Pages from a book connected and spelling 'love.' Even better was the story behind it. She purchased the book at a thrift store, tore the pages, made the valentines, and then found out the book was worth in the hundreds on the internet.

Beth won the 'Most Tasty' with her tasty fudge.

Sarah won 'Most Old School' outfit.

Kelli won first place with her i-bot.

Whenever I hear awards are involved, even if they are cheap and cheesy, I'm in it to win it. Kelley's awards are worth every effort put into it. Since she is an artist by trade, anything made by her will be worth millions one day. I heard there would be awards on outfits with one being 'Best Over the Top.' I joked on facebook that I would show up in my teddy lingerie. Once I typed it, I decided to go with it. Whatta ya know, I was the ONLY one who went absurd and... took home the ribbon. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present my teddy lingerie of which not only my friends have seen me in, but Dennis too.

Red Flags

2011-03-06T23:07:00.002-07:00

Some beaches use a uniform flag warning system to advise beachgoers of potential safety risks. It's extremely important to monitor the flag system. The red flags indicate a high hazard from surf and/or currents. Dangerous rip currents may exist in the water but provide no visible indication from shore. If the flags were to go unnoticed or ignored, serious consequences could occur leading to heartache and despair.
Similarly in our daily lives we have red flags appear. Rather than it being a physical flag we see, it usually comes by a feeling of our inner soul knowing something doesn't feel quite right. Some may call it paranoia, but we know ourselves and must trust enough to heed the warnings that are given to prepare, teach, and test us.
Welcome to my private life. I had an experience with this over the weekend. I questioned whether I should write about it and asked Jason since he was the one on the losing end this time. Let me first say, he's extremely embarrassed, but told me to write about our experience because it is an important message.
Saturday night, date night, dinner and a movie. We were dining at Blu Burger (fantastic) and chit chatting about this and that. He began to talk about work and finding incentives for employee appreciation day. He tells me how exciting and cool it would be to bring a place like Massage Envy in for everyone to get a massage and 'not one of those cheesy chair massages' you can get from the Asians in the mall. Red flag went up.
Let me say that Jason and I don't do 'me' things very often...in that we don't pay for massages or a day at the salon or pedicures and manicures. I feel guilty spending money on myself. I spend on clothes, my hair, lunch with friends, etc., but to pay for something for such a small fraction of time to benefit only myself... that's something we Tanner's don't typically do.
Lately when Jason and I have been at the mall he'd been eying the Asian chair massage places, so I've encouraged him to spend the money and go a few times because he was sore and it seemed important to him. Therefore he'd take 20 dollars and get a 20-30 minute massage and was appreciative for it.
After talking in the restaurant, he realized my mood had changed. He tried asking what was bothering me and I brushed it aside and said, 'nothing', 'everything is fine.' (Sound familiar?) I didn't want to ruin the date by becoming a drama queen. I tried justifying that the comment was something very simple. Meanwhile it festered. We went to our movie 'The Adjustment Bureau' (amazing) and sat in quiet before it started. Finally, I felt I was going to burst because I was so annoyed. I brought up my concern about him on a 'prideful' path. He told me I was over-reacting. I'm sure in his eyes I was. In my eyes it was about a principle. It was a red flag and I could not not heed the warning. After an exchange I leaned to him and asked when I was going to become 'cheesy' to him. I know what you're thinking: paranoid.
After the movie, we sat in the car and talked it through. He told me how he was shocked that I would ever assume that one day he would consider me 'cheesy'. He went on and on of how that could never happen. I then explained further that I knew how he felt, but my concern dealt with the principle behind his comment. I told him that I felt we sacrificed those times at the mall to give him something nice, and for him to turn around and call it 'cheesy' meant he did not appreciate it. What would be next? And then when would it be our relationship? Was I paranoid? No. Protective of my relationship and family? Yes.
Ask any couple on their wedding day if they ever imagined they'd be divorced. Yet, because red flags were ignored or unnoticed they let relationships slowly slip away. I know this was a relatively simple statement made by my husband taken to the very extreme by me. But the second I heard it, it felt wrong and I am thankful for that feeling. Satan works slowly... leading us by a flaxen cord down a slippery path. The scenarios that seem unfathomable will become a reality and appear on our doorstep if we don't keep ourselves or others we love aware of red flags. We would never want our loved ones to walk into an ocean while a red flag was posted. We would fight to keep them safe from the rip tides that are carefully hidden under the surface that drag us out to sea and leave us drowning. They regardless, have their freedom of choice whether to listen or ignore the warnings, but we must do all we can to keep ourselves and those we love on protective ground and find peace in knowing we've done all we can in being true to the feelings we've been blessed with.
Red flags have directed much of my life, especially leading me away from certain influences or situations. I haven't always heeded them, which have left me in deep waters struggling for air, safety and peace. Those experiences have taught me not to take these warnings lightly and have taught me to be ready at any moment to notice and act upon them. To me they are one of life's greatest treasures.

We Came, We Saw, We Froze

2011-02-21T18:34:00.001-07:00

Presidents' Day: A holiday known for a prime day to buy a new mattress, car, and/or furniture because of OUTRAGEOUS sales (said in my best obnoxious commercial voice). Our Presidents must feel completely honored to be given such high regard on their special day. When I woke up I thought to myself what a better way to remember our past presidents...spending money I don't have. Therefore, we decided we'd go the old fashioned route of spending some quality time together as a fam. (*gasp*)
Since we had rain drops the past couple days, we knew Flagstaff would be white and have some good snow for sledding. With kids in tow and the lack of time in the day, we didn't go for what Jason and I like as 'extreme' sledding, so we went the cheap, plastic, round disc, sissy way. 'Twas fun, minus that we have zero good snow gear, had frozen hands and feet, and Nathan had to ride home in his undies because he was soaked. Added bonus, I was the only one taken out by a sledder. Chopped off on the legs, flipped on my back, complete take-down. Obama would've been proud.

Scenery of how amazingly beautiful it was.

Even more stunning scenery.

My love and I.

She didn't get too fast being the brakes were on the ENTIRE time.

We love holidays!!!

Why Jen?

2011-02-14T06:56:00.001-07:00

Why Jen? Jen has often asked me why she was so lucky to have me as a husband. There are so many reasons why Jen is the perfect wife for me. Many of you may know that Jen and I met on my mission in Nebraska. I was one of the missionaries that taught her about the church. She was a golden investigator. She absorbed everything we taught and she was baptized in two weeks. Jen was so innocent and pure with the gospel. She was so willing to do and obey the commandments. It was a joy to teach her.

Soon after she was baptized I was transferred out of the area. She was always upon my mind wondering how she was doing in the gospel. I knew that she was alone and she only had her friend that helped her in the gospel as a support. What I didn’t know until we started dating was that she did not have much of support from the ward but she still fulfilled her calling as a primary teacher. Her actions spoke loud to me of the commitment and her testimony. I knew of others in similar situations that gave up because of similar circumstances.

Jen being alone in her first year as a member and striving to do the best she could and not giving up on the gospel spoke volumes to me. Her actions had a great impact upon me because of a lesson I learned about companionships from my mission. I had over twenty companions on my mission. Just to let you know, that is a lot of companions for 24 months. All my companions were new missionaries or junior companions except for my trainer in the first two months of my mission. Most of the time, I was leading the companionship, making the decisions or pulling the load of the work. I was so sick of it by the end of the mission I knew that I needed to marry a woman that would help me pull the load and work with me side-by-side. I needed that person to be able to help me and I would help her to reach our eternal goal.

Jen blew me away with her determination and strength when times were tough for her. I knew that her heart was in the gospel and she would put the gospel first in her life. Her actions demonstrated that she had one of the many traits I needed for a great marriage. Most guys growing up would talk how important it was to marry someone beautiful or “hot”. I knew early in life that the beauty within someone will improve their appearance overall. I did not expect to marry a physically attractive woman. I looked for the spiritual beauty first. I didn’t think that I would get both.

I wanted to express to my wife that I have been blessed with the most beautiful, sexy and spiritually driven woman that I could have asked for. Thank you for making so many good decisions and allowing me to be in your life. Why Jen? Why me?! Why did you choose me and allow me to be blessed with you? I love you and I hope that we will continue to overcome challenges and strengthen this great marriage.

Love,
Jason

Yes Robbie, There is a Cupid

2011-02-11T16:55:00.002-07:00

Dearest Robbie, I figured your mother should know the answer to your question since, in fact, I shot her with my arrow many years ago to find fancy the man you call 'Dad'. I was born many years ago and my first archery success took place with a man named Adam and a woman named Eve. I've been responsible for the rich and wealthy to fall for the poor and lowly of heart, good girls to fall for the rebellious bad boys, lonely old women to fall for young pool boys, princesses to find their princes, and pilots to fall for innocent girls from Idaho. Life used to be easier. I had a good gig going, but the short stints of celebrity romance has been a crushing blow to my career and obviously, my judgment (of which I attribute to the smog.)You have me to thank for pre-nups, in-laws, and years of angst over toilet seats. Yet, if ye heed my voice I can make you the happiest in all the earth. Yes, my dear boy, Cupid is still about, and will always continue to search for those whose hearts are pining for love. Tell your mother not to hide the truth and let her know if she doesn't want a sarcastic answer, then she better not be asking stupid questions.See you in the near future,XOXO, Cupid.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Politics of Finding Balance

2011-02-06T16:07:00.000-07:00

My last post I took very seriously and swore I would write about every topic brought up. Then in my email inbox I received this question: I would like to get your opinion of the whole illegal immigration issue. Are you for kicking all the illegals out & even denying the "anchor babies" citizenship if they are born here? Or are you more the love your neighbor, we can make reform to get them legalized & paying proper taxes side?

Um, next question please. Crap, what did I get myself into? I guess I was thinking of butterflies and rainbows and not such heated topics. Yet, do I have an opinion? Yes. Will you like it? Probably not. I’m not an extremist. I see valid points on both sides.

I once took a quiz about where on the map I am with being a Republican vs. Democrat. After answering several questions, the quiz would pin what side of the fence and how far over the fence I was. I’ve often thought I was a very strong republican. Turns out I was smack dab in the middle. Some may interpret that as indecisive. I see it as balanced. Balance between the EXTREME ‘right-wing’ (less change, less government) and ‘left-wing’ (more government control).

My republican opinions come into play when I think of entitlement versus personal responsibility. I already posted my feelings on that, so I’ll spare that long description twice. I agree with responsible fiscal spending…again responsibility. I believe strongly in elections, where people have a voice, instead of judges making strong decisions for the people as a whole. I believe in local, state, and federal government. I do not believe federal should dictate states laws. I believe a people governing themselves requires hard work and ingrains a deeper appreciation and love for their country and laws within that land.

My democratic opinions come into play when I see people truly in need. I feel at times extreme republicans take a stance towards others in need as ‘they got themselves in their situations, it’s up to them to get out.’ The extreme democrat, on the other hand, would just give handouts. I do believe in responsibility, but realize some have never been taught responsibility and do believe as a people we have a duty to teach skills to one another to help others become successful. I love the church’s ‘Perpetual Education Fund.’ The program is designed to help individuals be successful and give hope anywhere they live, not just within the United States. I appreciate the democrats in their role as civil rights activists. Because of that, women can vote, blacks can vote and both have the ability to have prestigious careers. I care deeply about individual rights…as long as government does not interfere in church and moral issues. Also, extreme democrats are very much for government control. In certain cases, that control can be beneficial for worst case scenarios. For example, big wig companies (electric companies) could try to monopolize businesses and strong arm the people. Government can at that point step in and create balance. Government can also be beneficial for incentive based movements such as solar power and cleaner energy incentives for overall benefits to individuals and help businesses move forward.

In my opinion, each extreme is very dangerous to society. Ultra conservative can lack compassion which would not foster good working relationships and unity as a whole. They can come across as heartless. Liberals can weaken by being entitled and not earning what is received. When everything is given many will not strive to be better nor improve which tends to lead toward a lack of appreciation and innovation. Innovation/work and unity/compassion are the tools which have made this nation great. Utilizing compassion without giving into entitlement is a difficult balance for many, but is essential for our future.

In regards to illegal immigration, I was impressed with the church’s stance:

1. ‘Love thy neighbor. This includes all of God’s children, in all places, at all times.’ We cannot and should not judge. If we have not walked in another’s shoes nor lived the life they have it is impossible to say that if in those same circumstances we would not choose the same paths they have chosen. We may have chosen worse.

2 ‘Strengthen Families. Families are meant to be together. Forced separation of working parents from their children weakens families and damages society.’ This, to me, means a father leaving his children to work in the U.S. is not beneficial for the family unit. Neither is sending a father and mother back to their country while the children remain here without their parents beneficial. ‘No other success can compensate for failure in the home.’ David. O. McKay

3. ‘Observe the Law. Every nation has the right to enforce its laws and secure its borders. All persons subject to a nation’s laws are accountable for their acts.’ If one is unhappy with the laws of the land they should do all they can to try and change that law, not break it. My personal opinion in regard to ‘anchoring babies’ is they should not be allowed immediate citizenship. The law was not obeyed by the parent. With only one member being a citizen, it could cause division within the families.

I know I didn’t answer the question probably how this individual wanted me to. I didn't pick a side. Sometimes picking a side can cloud our minds from looking toward solutions. I haven’t a clue what that solution is. Illegal immigration places a heavy burden on health and education monies. Yet, is it humane to turn away those in dire need of medical attention? Is an individual's suffering or death the answer to prove a point? Is it beneficial to turn a child away from learning to read and write? Is illiteracy the answer to prove a point? On the other hand if we release the flood gates, we can possibly drown and not be able to sustain ourselves. There needs to be change and reform. If illegal immigration is so prominent because of the difficulty to become a citizen, then solutions should be formed to alleviate the difficulty. No process will ever be perfect. Whether republican or democrat, it’s about doing the right thing. It’s about seeing everyone’s point of view. It’s being open to see the gray areas between the black and white. It’s the letter and spirit of the law, its justice and mercy, its balance.

Dear Ann Landers

2011-01-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

I may not always agree with Ann Landers or her sister, but one thing I feel their advice has done is given me a glimpse of who they are personally. I always figure if you REALLY want to know someone, ask their opinion on something. You could find many things: they could be/possess: compassion, diplomat, sarcasm, seriousness, wisdom, unethical, joyful, pessimist, optimist, patient, insensitive, intelligent, way off (from my way of thinking), or right on the nose, etc., etc., etc.
I have always meant for my blog to be my personal journal. I don't write, nor scrapbook, or record myself. Publishing my blog in a book is all my kids will have of me when I am gone. I really want my kids to have a sense of who I am so they know where they come from. Whether they agree with my thoughts or not, I want them to know how strong my convictions are to me. I can do that by putting up thousands of pictures (since they say a thousand words), but even more importantly, I feel the need to really delve into my heart, my ideas, my personal opinions, myself. That to me is worth even more than a photograph. I feel I have done this a few times with some of my posts. That's where I have felt the real 'me' has come through. I can process some things in writing that can never seem to make it eloquently off my tongue and past my lips.
So, I am going to you (my blog readers) to help me out. What are some topics that would be good for me to write about? They could be heartfelt, journal entry related material, totally freakishly odd things (which seem to come more natural for me), or just ask my opinion on something. I'll take your comments and emails and randomly do posts about them. Not so much to be a 'Dear Jen' psychiatrist, but to help my family and children know more about me, and through writing, more than anything, I learn more about myself. It's usually through someone else's questions to me which cause me to ponder things, some of which I blog about, so I am safe to say my ideas and inspiration come best from you.

Feel free to be anonymous.

Rah

2011-01-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

One of the great joys of kids...you get to re-live your own glory days. With Brynna's vision and partial blindness she is unable to do sports. If she were to receive trauma to her other eye she would be totally blind. Luckily for her, she's not into sports. She was so excited to try out for cheer and worked extra hard at it. She was even going as far as to use my pom poms from the early 90's for practice. Anyone remember those? They are heavy and ginormous. But notice her little arms in the picture...getting all tone and buff. (:As I watched her cheer in her first game last night, I thought of my 8th grade year of cheer. I also had the skinniest legs and arms, was smiling from ear to ear, was daydreaming about the boys I was cheering for, and loved every minute of it. As I sat in the crowd, it's still so much of who I am. I can't help but yell and scream for the team and players. (It's also given me a fantastic 'mom' voice) These years for Brynna will develop much of who she is and provide some of the best times and adventures of her life and I am thrilled to still be a cheerleader, HER cheerleader from the sidelines.

DES Squad

Performing at the quarter.

Best Friends.